I recently started a new job that was seemingly perfect on paper: good money, nice people, gorgeous office, 2 days working from home and a 9-day fortnight. It ticked all the boxes. But like every outfit I’ve seen in a Zara shopfront window, it just didn’t quite suit me once I tried it on for size. I was brought in mainly to add to the culture of their newly created Sydney office, and can you blame them? I’m a freaking hoot. But very little was explained about the role itself (other than my predecessor had left after 2 days and her predecessor after a few months) and I quickly came to realise that it just wasn’t me.
I was trained by two very lovely women who had been appointed to show me the ropes. One shook constantly with anxious energy and scratched her skin fervently, whilst I had to counsel the other through 20 straight minutes of tears in a Zoom training session. As I watched these two poor souls, I had one thought…do I want this to be my future? One of these women was 10yrs younger than me. She hasn’t even turned 30 and already her body vibrates with the constant hum of pressure and anxiety. There’s only one reason your body should vibrate throughout your twenties…and that ain’t it. Ooh that reminds me, must buy batteries this week…for my torch.
By week three, I had decided to thank my new employers for the opportunity but be honest that this role wasn’t for me. It was a shame; awesome bunch of people, but it is what it is. Best to rip off the band-aid when you know your truth.
Once I handed in my notice, the stress started to fall away from my body, and I began to see things clearly. Aside from me finding the role to be too micro-managed, and the work-load quite excessive, no-one really did anything wrong. OK sure, a few more people need to be hired to help alleviate the pressure so some of the staff can catch their breaths, but I couldn’t help but think that, isn’t this the new norm?
In a world where hustle culture is glorified, working multiple jobs and excessive hours is heroicised, has it just become widely accepted that at least a third of your workplace will be hanging by a thread?
It’s all well and good to offer amazing benefits like a 9-day fortnight, but maybe we’re shooting ourselves in the foot by condensing 10 days of work into 9 days. I had plans for that day off and I ended up collapsing into a heap of exhaustion and doing nothing with that time.
In a recent discussion with Mia Freedman on Mamamia’s ‘No Filter’ Podcast, American author, Organizational Psychologist and TED Talker, Adam Grant, voices his concerns with the ideology of a holiday or weekend being used to catch up on rest….and I literally could not agree more. Shouldn’t these precious days be spent in adventure? Seeing the world and expending energy in exciting new places?
I’m constantly reminded of the quote in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book (turned Julia Robert’s film) ‘Eat Pray Love‘, where her Italian friend Luca Spaghetti proceeds to point out the difference between Italians and Americans after Liz voiced her concern for gaining weight from the Pizza and Pasta diet: “You feel guilty because you’re American. You don’t know how to enjoy yourself! It’s true. Americans know entertainment, but don’t know pleasure. You work too hard. You get burned out. Then you come home and spend the whole weekend…in your pyjamas in front of the TV.”
As someone with half her family in Sicily and a frequent visitor of both the US and Italy, I believe this to be entirely true. And let’s face it, Australia is in the same boat as our English-speaking friends.
We glorify diet culture to the point that we resist anything with flavour for weeks, then go on an all-out binge, or self-medicate with food when something doesn’t go right. I’m someone who eats really clean and exercises daily, but I recently missed out on an amazing job and texted hubby to bring home a box of Krispy Kremes. He brought home a box of 5 donuts, I ate 4.5 of them before he even sat down. Enough said.
You don’t see diet culture in Italy for the same reason you don’t see binge drinking, even amongst youth; because they don’t believe in overworking, therefore don’t feel the need to reward themselves in designated intervals. They take pleasure in each bite and each sip, but guilt is just not part of their culture. There is literally no translation for ‘guilty pleasure’ in Italy, there is only; pleasure.
And yet, the Mediterranean diet continues to be the diet recommended by health professionals. Go figure.
So, here’s where we decide what we value more. Italy’s economy is pretty much in the crapper (from what I’ve heard, my ears kind of shut down when people talk numbers) but the Country is so rich in culture. Some of the best views, meals, wine, art, music and iconic landmarks belong to the boot-shaped Country. Whilst the majority of Western cultures are thriving on a life of anxiety attacks, Valium, replying to work emails at 10pm, hangovers, processed protein powders, unaffordable property and yet, more seemingly powerful leaders and stronger economies. Do we value money over culture? Or is it just not that simple? I like to think I’ve always valued culture over money, but was it this precise way of thinking that left me in the dust of my peers? Which is why I’m working my second and third jobs on a long weekend while they’re out having fun, and buying highly sought after Sydney property; because I’m playing catch up.
You know what we’ve got here don’t you? A good old fashioned case of Catch-22.
Which brings me back to my point of my recent (albeit brief) bosses. They came up with nearly every solution under the sun to provide for their team, and provide they did. The benefits were plentiful. But they’re still part of a landscape that means, if you don’t work at a frenetic pace, you don’t succeed.
As individuals, we can do as many yoga classes and meditation courses as we can afford. We can throw our smart devices out the window and try to be more present and mindful, but we’re part of a wider community, where nearly every business is promoted through social media, so how can we stay part of the game without playing by the same rules? Nothing drives fear through my heart more than the thought of not succeeding or not becoming financially comfortable.
If you haven’t already heard of Johann Hari, please do yourselves a favour and read his book ‘Stolen Focus’. Or listen to his podcasts with Oprah on ‘Super Soul Sundays’ and Mia Freedman on ‘No Filter – with Mia Freedman’. Like many guests, Joann was on his very best behaviour with Oprah, so I’d recommend his chat with Mia, especially if you like the word “cunnilingus” thrown randomly into conversation…I mean, who doesn’t?! You might feel great after listening to this, because Johann removes your guilt for ‘losing focus’ and points out that major, multi-billion-dollar companies have spent a lot of man hours and a hell of a lot of cash working out strategies to steal your focus from you, so that they can profit. They literally make money every time you unlock your phone. Honestly, I used to sit and read for hours on end and now I struggle to finish a chapter! You don’t even wanna know how many times I attempted to finish this article. Hari makes the very clever analogy of him taking 3 months away, with no phone or internet in an attempt to regroup, to that of wearing a face mask and expecting the air around him to be cleaner. You can make small changes to improve your personal situation, but we’re always part of a wider community, and at the end of the day, in one way or another, you’re a product of your environment.
To be honest, I don’t know if my theme here is “relax, it’s not all your doing” for why we’re all so stressed and exhausted, or “let’s all give up now, we’re doomed!!!” I don’t think I’ve decided which side I fall on yet.
Just like with the environment, if big corporations and Government agencies don’t start valuing health and longevity above profit, it’s hard to think how else we can survive and thrive.
In times of crisis, I used to often find myself saying “What would Buffy do?” Now, I find myself saying, “What would Ash Barty do?” I have a tendency to lose my shit at the slightest set back. I need to look up to someone (13 years younger than me) to help me keep my cool and bounce back when the scoreboard is not in my favour.
Ash Barty’s recent Tennis Retirement announcement shone a light on this issue in the most beautiful way. She CHOSE, on her own terms, to bow out of her tennis career, at the height of her domination. She did it coolly, unapologetically and in her own, very humble ‘Ash’ way. She weighed up what she would be sacrificing in order to continue on her upward trajectory and decided, that other aspects of her life mattered more. Whilst she was the greatest female tennis player that this Country had seen in a good long while, tennis is just one cog in the rich tapestry that makes up Ms Barty. Her career move gave me hope that not everyone in this world glorifies the burnout.
I just went on Instagram and unfollowed a few of those boss-bitch pages I used to love. The constant hustle and grind themes that used to inspire me, now make me feel guilty for the times I stop to take a beat. It’s becoming clearer and clearer that my mind and body really need that beat. Not to mention, I come up with my best ideas during a reset (or at least a long, hot shower).
For the better part of the last 12 months, I’ve been working 3 jobs, plus helping out with my husband’s business, getting back into singing gigs, writing, going to the gym, doing most of the housework, trying to be the best daughter, wife, sister, aunty and friend I can be, not to mention adding everything I eat into My Fitness Pal in an attempt to rid myself of those pesky COVID kilos. But I’ll tell ya right now, I’m not that fun anymore. You’ll see glimpses of that ol’ Woo girl here and there. But I’ve definitely lost my mojo, I can feel it. I miss the Steph who used to dance and sing down the street. Can barely muster a frolic of late. It’s a means to an end for a few more months, until I gain the upper-hand against my slightly sad-looking bank account. Setting me up for a life of more freedom. A life of saying yes to more travel, adventure and nights out on the town. Yes to more…LIFE.
But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom; look at all those international borders opening up again! After getting married last year during the travel ban, the ol’ ball & chain and I never had our official honeymoon. He’s so busy with his business, he’s not sure if he can even commit to the trip at the end of this year. But I gave the hard worker an ultimatum today; he has till the end of May to decide, or I’m booking myself a lovely little solo trip. Mumma needs to reward herself for ALL of that hard slog over the last few years. And you lot can read happy travel blogs instead of this depressing shit!
Let’s just pray that Zuckerberg hasn’t drained the last iota of my focus before then, or I might scroll through my travels like a constantly revolving news feed.
