Steph Bruno-Newton - The Barefoot Blogger

October 4, 2021October 4, 2021

Is boredom the opposite of happiness?

I recently downloaded the audio book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ by Tim Ferris. You’ve probably read it or at least heard of it. A brilliant concept of figuring out clear and concise methods to condense a week’s worth of work into 4hrs, with the income continuously flowing in so that you can travel the world, spend your mornings surfing or doing yoga and generally living an awesome life. A brilliant read, worthy of its accolades but when he started in on complex math equations, I hit pause and am yet to revisit. I will…‘someday’. There is one line of his that stuck to my brain like Grape Hubba Bubba under ‘90’s school desks:

“Most people think that the opposite of happiness is sadness. It’s not. The opposite of happiness is boredom”.

Read that again.

The further we get into this pandemic that prohibits us from any form of adventure and the further I sink into the mundane responsibilities that encompass adult life, I realise that this is 100% my problem. I AM BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND!

Hillary Clinton Bored GIF - Hillary Clinton Bored - Discover & Share GIFs — Hang in there Hils.
(GIF courtesy of tenor.com)

Some of you might think this odd of a girl (oh sorry, I’m a woman, keep forgetting) who recently married the love of her life. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is an absolute gem of a human being. His company is a true gift. But I’m still an individual person, as is he, with our own desires of creating a life full of adventure and wonder and I can’t say that I feel much of either lately.

It’s important to note that I actually wrote most of this article in early June, a few weeks before this very lengthy Sydney lockdown was imposed. Please don’t interpret my words as boredom of only this lockdown, but also boredom of the ‘busy’ life I was leading before June 26.

Many of us were already so bored with the busy-ness of our daily routine. Just because you’re tired and have a to-do list longer than Mariah Carey’s hotel demands, it doesn’t mean you’re not bored (that was totally not a judgement, Mimi provided the soundtrack of my childhood and if she demands my kidney, it’s hers). You have to ask the question; how many of us are feeling fulfilled by our insanely busy lives? Are we busy because we’re carving out the path we always dreamed of, or because we’re doing what society has convinced us we ‘should’ be doing? Are we going to the gym because we love it? Or because we only feel seen as successful if we have a toned booty? Are we throwing big birthday parties for our kids because we enjoy it? Or because we’re worried we’ll be mum-shamed if we don’t?

It’s the intention behind our movements that can mark the difference between enjoyment and obligation.

My current admin role has a tendency to suck the living soul out of me on a daily basis. It doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful to be one of the few who is blessed enough to have retained her employment throughout a pandemic and two lockdowns, but I can’t be true to myself or to you if I don’t admit that being seen as the bicky bitch makes me wonder where I took a wrong turn. Paying my dues with mundane tasks at 18 made sense, but at 38 I can’t help but think, how the fuck did I get back here?!!!!

Wine Under Desk Crying GIF - Wine Under Desk Crying Robin - Discover & Share GIFs — Not actual footage of me, but not far off.
(GIF courtesy of tenor.com)

I spent most of my early life on stage, dancing and singing. I danced in the opening ceremony of the Sydney Olympics, I danced in an NRL Grand Final Opening Ceremony, I sang on The Voice. Now I’m filling up the biscuit container, collecting and distributing mail, taking everyone’s mouldy coffee cups to the dishwasher and being frowned upon for wearing bright red dresses or giant hoop earrings. I think the words “try to blend in” were actually uttered to me before last year’s staff photo. I’m just not quite sure they really ‘get me’.

But here’s the clincher, it’s not anyone else’s fault. I can’t blame anyone but myself here. That’s my God Damn job. It was my choice to take a job that has a steady income to pay the bills, when I know it will not bring me joy. I chose ‘safety’ over ‘adventure’. I hate to admit it, but I think somewhere along the line, I stopped being brave.

We all want to be seen and to be heard. And more than anything, for our individuality to be celebrated. If it’s not, you’re probably in the wrong place. When I was in a toxic relationship, full of despair and self-loathing, I wrote a sentence in my journal that I have recited to myself many times since:

“You’re a sundial in the shade, you’re not broken; you’re just in the wrong place”.

I vividly remember staring out of the window in high school Maths class (give me Art and English any day) transporting myself into a little café in Paris, covered in vines, seated inside looking out at the trickling rain, smoking on my cigarette and sipping my hot chocolate (I invented that fantasy way before you were old enough to get a passport Emily in Paris).

We all have places we transport ourselves to in times of boredom, but the question is, can we turn that visualisation into reality?

As a child, I would fantasize about the abilities of Mary Poppins, jumping into chalk drawings and being whisked away to magical lands of riding merry-go-round horses in a horse race, eating candy apples and bursting into song and dance with penguins. I just always believed that I was magical like Ms Poppins. Now I fear I may have turned into grumpy old Mr Banks who likes things neat and orderly. Some will surely read this and find me ridiculous, but trust me when I say; in every second of every day, I would rather be ridiculous than mediocre.

Mary Poppins Chalk Drawing Scene on Make a GIF — Wait for me Mary!
(GIF courtesy of makeagif.com )

A woman of 38 is expected by society, almost demanded, to put away seemingly childish quests in place of being sensible. To make a good wife, mother and daughter. To hold a steady job and create a beautiful home (soooo much more to say on this topic, but I’ll save that juice nugget for my article on the patriarchy).

I had recently lost my effervescent optimism in place of this nagging irritability and I realise now, it’s because I’m going against my true nature. The way a bird locked in a cage feels, when her wings were created to soar above the clouds. The nature that wants me to run barefoot in the rain and spin in circles. The nature that makes me aspire to find my next singing gig instead of scrolling through the Baby Bunting site looking at cribs for my future babies. The nature that makes me sit at work thinking of my next three blog topics instead of topping up the bowl of Mentos in the boardroom or the Tim Tams in the kitchen.

If you’ve seen that Goddess of a woman Lady Gaga in her Oscar Nominated performance in A Star Is Born, you might recall the opening scene of her working in a restaurant, late for her singing gig because her boss makes her take out bags of trash before she clocks off. She walks slowly up the ramp of a dirty basement, in plain work clothes, with plain swept up hair, spinning around slowly as she sings the words to ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’:

“When all the world is a hopeless jumble
and the raindrops tumble all around.
Heaven opens a magic lane.
When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There’s a rainbow highway to be found”…

As the words A STAR IS BORN slowly emerge on the screen. A girl who most might walk by as just another invisible person. But inside, she is a superstar.

In the words of real life Gaga herself: “I’ve always been famous, it’s just no one knew it yet”.

Lady Gaga - National Anthem - Super Bowl 2016 (HD 1080p) Full Video on Make a GIF — My Queen!
(GIF courtesy of https://makeagif.com )

I simply refuse to believe that we were put here to merely go to the gym, wash the dishes, go to work, have zoom meetings, make dinner, wash and hang the laundry, sleep and repeat. To be ‘good girls’. To follow the rules. To get praise from our parents, our teachers, our bosses. To make a good home for our husbands and children and host insta-worthy parties. Although if I do host a party, you’d best believe that there’s a damn good cheese platter on–hand and the Aperol is flowing. As an Italian, there are just standards that must be up-held, for the love of good food and drinks (not because that’s what’s expected of me of course).

At least I’m one of the lucky ones who married a guy with values that mirror my own. He has no expectations of me other than to do what makes me happy, because he’s woke enough to have noticed that on the days when I do something amazing for myself, I come home with beautiful energy that in turn, makes me a better wife, neighbour, colleague, daughter, sister, aunty, friend.

This year marked ten years since my first solo trip overseas. I had just exited a highly dangerous, toxic relationship and sent myself to Italy for two weeks on a Contiki tour. I could have visited multiple cities throughout Europe, but it felt cathartic for me to stick only to Italy and visit so much of my heritage as I rediscovered myself. I really found a special part of Steph there, and she lives in a little pocket in my chest always, licking on hazelnut gelato and immersing from the ocean onto rocks so damn hot I can almost feel them burning right now.

We must live a life that sets our souls ablaze. If we can’t travel yet, we must find something else. That’s when the magic finds us.

Many times throughout life and particularly this lockdown, I have lost myself. As I’m sure many of you have. But eventually, I always find myself again. I feel the veil lift, I open my ears to The Universe, and she recommences speaking to me in her riddles that make me know I’m part of something special and much bigger than me.

As the lockdown restrictions begin to ease in a matter of days, don’t forget that it allowed you a breather. Time to rest and discover something about yourself. It was a re-set. An unravelling and putting back together.

Because maybe, just maybe, the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything, but un-becoming everything that really isn’t you.

August 4, 2021

Taking home the gold in mental health

If you’re in Sydney at the moment, chances are you’re glued to your couch watching the Olympics because let’s face it, you’re in lockdown and there’s fuck all else to do. But also, the Olympics are God Damn awesome!

After setting the benchmark for the rest of the world on how to handle a pandemic, the tables have turned for Sydney; we’re into our sixth week of lockdown with numbers continuing to climb, people of all ages being infected with the virus, not enough vaccines to go around, small business failing and yet to see a cent from the Government, and simply no clear end in sight. Cheering home our victorious Olympians has provided a small spark of hope in an otherwise eerie world.

Let’s start with Emma McKeon taking home enough medals to have ranked herself as an individual Country on the medal tally. Scoring her 11^th Olympic Medal of her career, she’s broken Ian Thorpe and Liesel Jones’ record of nine each (ahh Thorpie, you’ll always be the King of my pool…that came out a lot dirtier than I intended, but how good is it having that champ back on our screens?!)

We loved watching Kaylee McKeown slay that pool then drop the F-Bomb in a poolside interview (Aussie Royalty). Logan from Logan taking home the first ever Gold in BMX Freestyle after building ramps in his backyard and subsequently pissing off his neighbours (might be in for a few less noise complaints now). And I’m pretty sure the number one image in your mind of these games is Ariarne Titmus’ coach; throwing around his mask like a stripper’s G-String and dry humping a barricade in celebration of his protégé’s epic victory. This man is my absolute spirit animal and Boxall, mate if you’re reading this, would you consider hiring yourself out to non-sporting types such as myself? I just think I’d be a lot more successful in life if you were walking behind me and pumping me up as I went about my daily affairs. COME ON BRUNO!!!!!

Can I get an Amen for the 62 year old Andrew Hoy, taking home a Silver and a Bronze in what was his 8^th Olympics, becoming our oldest ever Olympian? Sixty – bloody – two!!! You’ll never catch my 38yr old ass complaining about a burpee ever again. And a dude from Hurstville competing on the world stage in the Table Tennis event. I spent the first twenty-something years of my life in Hurstville! I could have passed our very own Forrest Gump in the fresh produce aisle at Coles, we could have squeezed the very same avocado! You don’t know.

My big waterworks moment came from watching Peter Bol’s family partying like it’s 1999 from back home in Perth, watching on as their man continues his pursuit of Olympic glory. His family fled war-torn Sudan when he was only 4, eventually settling in Australia, without speaking a word of English, in the hopes of creating a new, safer life for their brood. Now families all over Australia scream his name from their living rooms, edging him closer to that finish line. Today, I’m a very proud Aussie indeed. Can I get an Oi Oi Oi?!

Like anything in life; with the sweets, comes the sours. The amount of pressure on these young athletes, from themselves, their coaches and their Countries at large, is perhaps too much for anyone’s shoulders (even those giant swimmer and gymnast shoulders). The high-highs and the low-lows of such a highly competitive field can very often take a large toll on one’s mental health. I can barely watch my screen knowing that someone has trained hours on end, nearly every day for the last four years (or many more) only to stumble on a hurdle or fall off the uneven bars. I can’t bring myself to look at their face as all of their hopes dash before their very eyes. To spend years perfecting your craft and having, in some cases only a few seconds to prove your worth is just a ridiculous amount of pressure. I know my mental state wouldn’t handle it.

This year, we watched two of the absolute best athletes of our time; Naomi Osaka and Simone Biles put up their hands and admit, it’s too much. I can’t cope, and I choose my mental health.

Let’s be clear, in every single situation, we should always choose our health; physical, mental or emotional. Time and time again.

Yesterday at work I was having a chat with one of my favourite colleagues (just so freaking excited to see another human being in the flesh!) We were discussing this very topic until he mentioned that he thought Biles was a cop out because she took someone else’s place in the squad and didn’t go through with it. Argghhh a dagger through my heart! I was crushed that he had taken this view, especially given that the last few weeks, he and I had spoken at great lengths about our extreme concern of everyone’s mental health during the pandemic. We had both been studying the increase on suicide rates over the last few years and fear that the extreme isolation during lockdown could tip anyone over the edge who was already struggling to keep it together.

Here’s what kills me, if Simone Biles pulled a hamstring or broke a leg, everyone would be standing and applauding her brave exit from the floor and just ‘understand’ that she could not physically continue. No one would question it. It would just be a given that she was ‘unfit to continue’. Then why, when it comes to mental health, do the Keyboard Warriors awaken from under their pile of Uber Eats bags to condemn the perceived weakness of someone who is simply exercising her right of self-preservation? This clearly demonstrates that the stigma of mental health is still alive and well.

I can only imagine it’s because it is invisible and therefore un-measurable by others.

Having spent my entire life with a neuro-muscular disorder (that’s a whole other story for another time) I can guarantee you that most people will always doubt what they can’t see. I look fit, I have defined muscles and workout a lot, so when I can’t move because my legs freeze up, people think that I’m ‘faking it’. When I can’t open my eyes because my eyelids have frozen, people think I’m goofing around. When I can’t respond to a question because my tongue has gone stiff because I haven’t spoken in a while, people think I’m being rude (that one hurts the most – I freaking love to talk more than anything in the world!) Even just recently I’ve experienced grown men thinking it’s funny to make fun of the way I walk upstairs, thinking I’m doing my best impersonation of Frankenstein. I used to get really worked up or I used to pretend I was tying my shoelace or looking for something in my bag, these were in the days before I was diagnosed and just didn’t know what to tell people. Now I calmly say, “No, I was born with a neuro-muscular disorder, this is how I walk”. They never know what to say after that, and they never apologise, they mostly look confused and I can see their brains trying to figure out if I’m joking or not. If I had my leg in a cast, or was in a wheelchair, they wouldn’t look confused. I then continue my slow and difficult climb up the stairs at my own pace, reciting the words over and over in my head “I’m doing the very best I can, there’s no need to rush”.

I can’t express to you the relief I felt when my condition was given a name (Myotonia Congenita, in case you want to look it up). It was so freeing. I still get upset (that’s actually a huge understatement). Every single day of my life is hard, physically and emotionally. Simple tasks are often quite impossible for me. But I no longer carry the burden of hiding my disability or apologising for it in order to make someone else comfortable. I can simply be me. In all my perfectly imperfect glory.

That mindset and diagnosis really would have come in handy during Primary School when a substitute teacher didn’t believe me when I said I couldn’t run after standing still for so long. She thought I was a bad child telling lies. She subsequently grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me along the cement in front of all of my peers. My legs were covered in cuts, scrapes and blood. But they healed. The damage that particular situation did to my mental health, never healed. I never told anyone that story until I was in my twenties. I guess it took me that long to realise that it wasn’t my fault.

When you doubt someone’s story, especially their struggles, you’re not only preventing them from healing, you’re adding shame to their already heavy load.

As a person with a seemingly hidden disability and my own share of mental health issues, I am so proud of Naomi Osaka and Simone Biles. They are so brave and so smart in the choices they have made. They’ve essentially taken one for the team. Their actions could set in motion a whole new movement of kindness and compassion. Which could create a world where no one will ever be afraid to admit they need a time out. This could very well save lives.

Osaka and Biles don’t owe the general public anything. They don’t owe us an explanation for their pain, the same way my colleagues don’t need to know when I have period pain or when I can’t get out of bed because depression has sapped the strength from every muscle in my body. I use to text my bosses a really long-winded explanation for when I couldn’t make it into work, and when it was depression, I’d always say I had a stomach bug. Now, I just say “I’m unwell and can’t make it in today”. If you’re unfit to work, you’re unfit to work, no apologies or long-winded explanations required. I guarantee you, the world will keep spinning and no one will remember that day you had off, in five years’ time.

I think sport is a wonderful recreation to be involved in, and full credit to anyone living out their dream. That’s truly magical. But sport is not everything. It ‘s merely one facet of an athlete, in their already rich tapestry of who they are as a person. I hope that when they retire, they realise that there is a lot that they can offer the world, not just their sporting skills.

I was recently in hospital for a routine procedure in which my body encountered a slight complication. In my heady state of anaesthesia and feeling like hell, I remember calling out to the nurse who had spent the most time with me. She stroked my hand and stayed with me until I felt well and I just remember thinking, “Well shit…footy players run into work and have 80,000 people cheering them on. These Doctors and Nurses work so hard keeping us well and alive and no one applauds them when they walk into work.” It’s a topsy-turvy world.

Once I got home, I sent those Doctors and Nurses a box of choccies and a card telling them that the people of Sydney are so blessed to be looked after by people like them. Not all heroes wear capes, but heaps of them wear scrubs.

Here’s to the trailblazers. The brave and the vulnerable, the kind and the compassionate. The broken and the healers.

And to you, reading my words right now. If you’re struggling today, I’m so sorry you’re in pain. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you. One full of hope.

This really is such a beautiful world.

(image courtesy of https://twitter.com/phlpublichealth)

If you or anyone you know needs immediate support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or via lifeline.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.

December 20, 2020December 21, 2020

‘Tis the season to hit reset

There are only two occasions that cause me to look at the world through rose coloured lenses and make me want to hug every human in sight. One is Christmas, the other is my last day of work before moving on to another company. There’s no drug quite like nostalgia that makes me tell colleagues whose death I was plotting a week ago for not filling the ice tray, that I’m going to miss them soooo much and be sure to stay in touch on socials.

Christmas really does deliver that magic in the air though. The first few weeks of December are full of road rage and Westfield carpark rage, but on Christmas Eve, when I walk around looking at Christmas Lights to the sounds of Mariah, Bublé & Wham! – something child-like and pure washes over me. There’s also no other time like Christmas morning that makes me want to run up to random strangers on the street, packing their cars with pressies and trifle, and scream out “Merry Christmas!”

But this year, I find myself in a little bit of a pickle. I appear to have lost my Christmas Spirit. Me! I’m one of those nut jobs who starts playing Christmas Carols and watching Christmas Movies in August. I love the anticipation. I did it all this year, had all my presents bought and wrapped by mid-October, had the tree up in November, wore the Christmas earrings everyday throughout December, and I was feeling it a little, but over the last week, I lost it. I even tried baking my specialty Christmas Cookies last night and dropped them off at the Wayside Chapel this morning. That felt great, but I still don’t feel like watching Elf or The Polar Express. I just keep binging old reruns of The Vampire Diaries where sexy, shirtless vampires drink scotch and fight over a schoolgirl (spoiler alert: there’s very little writing of the diaries).

Ok, so it’s been an absolute shit show of a year. There’s really no other way to describe it. Sure, we all have ups and downs throughout the year but this year, the whole world is hurting and you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel it in your soul. My mind has become a series of Harry Potter lines swirling around in ominous blacks and greys: “these are indeed dark times”.

For me personally, there were a lot of plans that just didn’t eventuate. Every day I’m grateful for all of the beauty in my life, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when you put hours, days, weeks, months and sometimes years into career aspirations only to have the door slammed shut in your face multiple times in one year. A lot of wounds need to be licked. But, if Ross Gellar taught us anything, it’s to pivot.

Maybe I’m just tired and stressed. Work is always exhausting this time of year. And planning two Christmas Dinners and a Wedding ain’t no easy feat. Seriously, only a COVID bride will understand.

Last night I was staring out the window, hoping to see Santa doing a dry run through the night sky, but all I heard was a drunk dude bashing his mates, his girlfriend screaming, followed by Cop sirens (ahhh the Holidays). Then I decided to grab my phone and do a little research about this upcoming celestial event I’ve been hearing about (you might want to do a little Google search on December 21^st 2020, the grand conjunction and the 5^th dimension). Turns out this extra depression and anxiety we’ve been feeling this year may not just be COVID related, but influenced by the stars.

The Polar Express Gif Thepolarexpress Christmas Tree Discover Christmas Train At Night GIF - LowGif

As we welcome the Summer Solstice this year, there is an event that many different cultures from Aboriginal, to Mayans to yogis have been preparing for. The grand conjunction is the first Jupiter and Saturn alignment since May 2000 but is also the closest alignment since 1623! This significant event may have astrologers buzzing but it’s the rest of us who may just need to hop on board and take note. It’s believed that the energy shift taking place in the atmosphere will create higher frequencies that will influence humanity. A time to keep our vibrations high by being true to ourselves rather than being in the constant pursuit of feeling positive. And possibly becoming more aligned with our true purpose.

Whether you believe in astrology, meditation or anything woo woo or not, you can’t deny the science that everything is energy, including us. And tomorrow evening marks a major energy shift.

If you’re a regular meditator or have never sat still for one second in your life, my one Christmas Wish is that you set your alarm to meditate at 9:02pm Monday 21^st December. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and connect to yourself and to the universe. Let all of your thoughts be on love and joy. You just may take part in a rescue mission. And if not, what have you got to lose?

I’m sure that over the course of the next few days, my trademark Christmas giddiness will re-emerge and I’ll be thankful to be one of the lucky ones. I had my favourite word tattooed on my body as a reminder that I always believe in magic. And there’s no better time of year to truly…

The polar express GIFs - Get the best gif on GIFER

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas everyone, thank you for being a part of this journey with me, take care of yourselves and each other. Eat everything in sight on Christmas Day, and when the clock strikes midnight on the 31^st, hit reset and know that we can only go up from here. We may be bruised, but we are not broken.

Give 2020 your best hair flick and three departing words; Nice Try Bitch.

November 1, 2020November 1, 2020

Connection is key

Whenever I hear the words “oh it’s been such a bad year” I always roll my eyes at the Negative Nancy bombarding me with a ‘poor me’ story and remind him/her that every year has its ups and downs. But I shan’t be rolling even one eyelash at the end of 2020, which, let’s be honest, has been nothing short of a complete shit fest.

We started the year being choked by smoke as our beautiful country continued to burn before our eyes, we endured more catastrophic floods and then got hit with COVID-19; the pandemic that changed life as we know it. Not a person on this planet hasn’t been affected. It’s sad enough to think of how many lives have been lost due to the virus itself, but it’s so much more than a health risk; it has changed the landscape of how we are able to operate and interact with one another. Many died on their own, unable to be close to loved ones, saying their final words to their children through a screen. Many were unable to farewell their loved ones due to number restrictions at funerals, an event that simply can’t be postponed. Many lost their hard earned family businesses by simply being prohibited from opening their doors to the public. Many lost their savings and their homes, just trying to feed themselves. It breaks my heart seeing every second business empties out with a For Lease sign in the window.

When lockdown first hit, we were in shock, but I think many (myself included) started to enjoy the novelty of rest. There were a lot of positive messages online as we navigated through this new and scary world, in particular; “we’re all in this together” was spoken about frequently. We all downloaded the HouseParty app and shared a cocktail through a screen with our not so nearest but ever so dearest. But that app seemed to get deleted pretty quickly and after a while, it didn’t really feel like we were all in this together as the hostility began to build around the globe. Toilet paper may have returned to our shelves but as restrictions continued, the real financial burdens appeared, bringing with it some serious mental health issues as the rug was well and truly pulled out from underneath us. We then watched on as the divide between the left and right wings in the US became more and more prominent and tragically, more and more African American mothers grieved the death of their children at the hands of those appointed to protect and serve.

The world is in utter disharmony and it hurts.

I’m quite vocal about my beliefs which are not so black and white but more, fifty shades of grey (minus the red room). What I believe in, is compassion. I don’t judge you on your colour, race, religion, gender, sexual preference, political views or postcode. What I will judge you on, is if you’re being an asshole. And I’ll pray that you start to like yourself more, because hurt people, hurt people.

I’m not a big fan of fast running (depending how supportive my bra is) but you’ll never catch me sprint quite like when Trump is on TV and I’m heading for that remote. I do not like the views that this man has. I do not like the way he speaks to others and his actual voice is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears. However, you will not catch me sharing much about him on social media and you won’t catch me poking fun of his appearance. If I stoop to the level of the monster, haven’t I then become a version of the monster myself? I have a highly intelligent friend with wonderfully compassionate views on the world, who detests Trump more than anyone I’ve ever met. And rightly so. But I’ve told him recently that the more he focusses on Trump, the more he is giving him oxygen. And a textbook Narcissist thrives on attention.

I’m a big believer in the law of attraction. Of ‘like’ attracts ‘like’. I know that whenever I have focused on lack and scarcity, I have attracted bills and debt. I know that whenever I have focused on love and abundance, I have been showered with more than I could ever have dreamed of. Mother Theresa shared similar beliefs and was quoted as saying she would not attend anti-war protests but please call her whenever you have a pro-peace march. If you hate a Political Leader, try focussing on his opponents strengths more. No one wants to see men in their 70’s making fun of each other; it’s tacky. Gogglebox’s Chantel articulated the Presidential Debate perfectly: “It’s like watching two old people in a nursing home fight over the last digestive biscuit”.

If your thoughts, words and actions create the world you want to live in, be selective. Choose kindness, choose compassion. Get in the face of hatred, put down your sword and extend your hand (maybe an elbow is safer right now). “When they go low, we go high”. Dignified words spoken by one hell of classy woman. Not always easy to do, but always, ALWAYS worth it.

There’s a difference between being educated about current events, and being bombarded by disasters. I’ve come to a point in my life where I know that watching the news makes me unhappy. It’s a list of tragedies and disasters. I can be educated by checking news websites and choosing to click on the stories that interest me but I am officially checked out of the 6pm news. When I come home from a long day of work, I want to hear something positive, moving, inspiring. I now choose to sing, read or watch my favourite sitcoms. It’s not burying my head in the sand, it’s making a choice of what I absorb, in order to create the life I believe I deserve.

Pop Tv Congratulations GIF by Schitt's Creek - Find & Share on GIPHY

One thing that is quite clear from however long we were not allowed to leave our houses for, is that CONNECTION is vital for a happy life. Thinking back on that time when we were only allowed out of our houses for an hour a day, I used to seriously fantasise about running up to complete strangers and hugging them. If one passer by locked eyes with me on my daily walk, I felt so acknowledged and all warm and fuzzy inside. It’s crazy how much these small, seemingly insignificant aspects of our lives mean to us. And you don’t even realise that until they are taken away. Many of us went from seeing thirty colleagues a day to just seeing the occasional bird fly past your window. That’s a hard adjustment in the long run. According to an August report by the University of Sydney’s Brain and Mind Centre, Australians can expect at least a 13.7% increase in suicide deaths over the next five years; a direct result of the social and economic impact of COVID-19. We have to then ask ourselves what we really value in this life and what lessons are we going to learn from this period that HOPEFULLY, we never repeat in our lifetime. This is why I am completely floored when I hear of high profile celebrities requesting that staff, guests, support acts or anyone they encounter “not make eye contact with them when they pass each other in the hall”. Are you freaking kidding me?!!! If you think being wealthy and successful gives you the right to demand zero interaction with ‘the little people’, you’d better pray your success lasts, or you’ll be passing the same people on your way down to earth.

If you’ve read my blog before, you may recall that one of my treasured childhood memories was going to Sunday Mass and spending the whole first hour in anticipation of the moment when the priest would say “you may now offer each other the sign of peace”, followed by all of the parishioners turning to the strangers in front, behind and beside them to shake hands and recite “peace be with you”. I would wipe the excited sweat from my palms onto my dress, blow on my hands to make sure they were dry and give my best possible handshake to every human I could physically reach. The whole energy in my body and the entire room lifted, because we were brought into this present and beautiful moment by connecting with one another. I can’t think of a better time in our lives to let this story resonate with you. Connection is key. Think about the impact you may have on someone else’s life. As we approach the most magical time of year, let’s choose to create our future with thoughts, words and actions that resemble our best life.

Here’s to a world led by compassionate and intelligent thinkers. May we connect with one another and focus our attention on the world we want to live in (and don’t panic Mercury will no longer be in retrograde in a matter of days!)

Where attention goes, energy flows.

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April 8, 2020April 10, 2020

My top 10 tips for surviving iso

Like many of you, I’ve been working from home for several weeks and spending my weekends locked in the same apartment, except for daily walks and my weekly trip to Coles (which I now do in ball gown, full make up and my best perfume). Being in the same room all day every day can feel like a prison sentence; no matter how beautiful your home is. Check out my top ten tips for keeping your shit together during isolation:

1.) Structure your day: each night, have a list in order of what you need to do the next day. Set your alarm for the same time every day. If you’re working from home, you can have a little extra sleep-in, but don’t overdo it. Did you know that your body’s cortisol levels are at their highest first thing in the morning? That makes the perfect time for a workout, so put your running shoes on and get outdoors, or do an online circuit class. If you were already a member of a gym, they probably already have free online workouts (such as Anytime Fitness & Fitness First) which you can access via an app. Or Fitness Queen Kayla Itsitnes’ Sweat app is currently offering a 4 week free trial if you jump on her app.

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2.) Dress for success: the occasional day of binge-watching Netflix on the couch in your baggy sweats can be good for the soul, but on the daily, can make you feel like a loser and your motivation will plummet! If you’re working from home, get dressed everyday (bra totally optional), brush your hair back and put your favourite lip gloss on. It will help you get into a more organised state of mind to tackle some work, and if you know in advance you’re having a Zoom meeting with your colleagues, dress a little more professional and be aware of your surroundings that may be visible to your colleagues (might wanna hide that giant bottle of Vodka behind you).

3.) Create a productive work space: this is vital not just for mental clarity but also be aware of your posture. Keep the space neat and decorate with your favourite cystals and rock-salt lamp to create a zen AF ambience. If you’re working from your dining table and your chair is a little low, prop yourself up on a couch cushion. If you’re getting sore neck and shoulders, you might wanna try what I did and buy a Posture Medic brace online which forces you to pull your shoulders back: https://www.posturemedic.com.au/ It’s also a great idea to get up once an hour to stretch your body out.

4.) Meal prep every Sunday: this is something my partner Allan and I do every single Sunday regardless. It helps us to make healthy choices and saves us from cooking every single night when we’re tired after work. Pick a few proteins and a few veggies and make some variations each week to keep it interesting. Making a list before you get to the shops is always a good idea (jump on my insta for some food-spiration).

5.) Stay connected with family and friends: I’m definitely missing dinner with my family, drinks with my friends, and cuddles with my niece and nephew more than anything! We may not be able to physically socialise with our nearest and dearest, but technology does allow us to stay connected. If you’ve been living under a rock for the last few weeks and haven’t downloaded the House Party app, get on it now! You can have multiple screens (Brady Bunch style) and have all your friends or family in one chat. I have two major tips for this app though: lock the room (little lock icon in centre bottom of screen) to prevent unwanted people from crashing your party and never open the app when scrolling on the loo, because random calls will pop up and you can definitely get caught in a pants-down situation. If you ever require some more serious help and want to talk to someone you’re not close with, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or jump on their online chats.

6.) Tea time with your neighbour: if you have a lovely fence to sit on, you might wanna book in some time with your favourite neighbour to meet once a week with a cup of peppermint tea, watch the world go by and share some self isolation war stories (just mind your 1.5 metres).

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7.) Get a pen-pal: When I was a kid, I always used to write letters to my cousin who I didn’t see very often, and a Balinese exchange student once she returned to Bali. I loved getting letters in the mail! (It sure beats your electricity bill). I think I might start this again, maybe with my beautiful Canadian friend I met many years ago on a Contiki trip in Italy. If writing letters isn’t your thing, sending your loved ones thoughtful care packages is such a nice gesture. I just sent my parents some Easter Eggs and a book of crossword puzzles and sent my niece and nephew some Easter goodies, pencils, crayons, colouring book and card games. They went down a treat!

8.) Pick up a hobby: I’ve never been one to sit and watch the TV for hours on end. I always need to keep my hands busy! When I was little, I used to pull mum’s ironing board over to the couch and make art pieces or build furniture for my shoe-box dollhouse out of colourful clay. Even now, I need something to do or I’ll just kill more brain cells by scrolling through my phone. I’ve pulled out my old knitting needles and starting re-knitting a scarf I started many moons ago (totally not a granny pass-time, I think knitting is making a comeback) and I pulled out all my high school art supplies from the garage and started creating some beautiful art works. That’s the thing about art; it’s subjective! Plus it’s totally all about the journey and not the destination. Keeping your hands busy with arts and crafts is a great way to keep depression at bay (ever heard of art therapy?). Not that artistic? Pull out your old board games and puzzles from under the bed and sprawl them all over the living room floor.

9.) Start and end the day in silence: if you wake up and scroll through your phone or put the news on, you might be flooding your brain with some overwhelming imagery and content which can set the tone for the day in a negative way. Try sitting in silence and focusing on your breathing for ten minutes. I like to make a list of everything I’m grateful for before I even get up to pee. For me, I list everything I can think of such as my warm bed, my comfortable pillow, my nutritious breakfast, my loving man. And before bed each night, you might want to do the same. It’s important not to look at your phone or bright lights an hour before bed. You might like to light some candles and spend time moisturising, or read a great book before calling it a night. If you experience some trouble sleeping during this period, try some natural therapies rather than pills. I personally love The Beauty Chef’s SLEEP Inner Beauty Support in some warm almond milk, about an hour before bed. It gives me such a restful sleep.

10.) Start the ‘one day‘ goal: you know what I’m talking about. We all have at least one thing we say we’ll do ‘one day’ when life is not so busy. I got news for ya; this is ‘one day‘! I have just started the three things I always said I’d do: learn Italian, learn to play an instrument, write a book. Allan and I are learning Italian once a night on our Duo Lingo app, I plan to learn guitar soon but have started small on a Ukulele, playing online each night. There are plenty of online platforms to teach you how to play an instrument, or your local music school may provide Skype lessons (such as my big bro’s guitar teaching school Prodigy Music https://www.prodigymusic.com.au/ ) Writing my book will take some time but happy to have gotten a head-start. If you don’t really have an artistic goal, you might just do that big clean out you’ve been pushing off. Try selling some unwanted but good condition clothes on eBay and give the rest to the Salvos or Vinnies. Nothing gives you a better sleep than a sense of accomplishment, so keep up the productivity!

I hope that these tips have been helpful and please feel free to reach out to me with your tips for killing boredom in lockdown. Stay safe and well beautiful peeps x

February 9, 2020April 8, 2020

Give me your digits

Ever get the feeling that society is judging you based on measurable numbers from your age to your dress size, from your salary to your postcode? Remember being seven years old and having something to say only to be scoffed at, because what does a little girl who hasn’t reached a decade, know about the world? Ever felt like you became a little less relevant after the age of 35? Well, I have. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

Kris Carr is a published writer who has documented her journey on living with Cancer for over ten years. Upon having to reflect on her life and make changes to start healing her body, Kris realised that her version of ‘self-care’ had been “don’t look old and don’t get fat”. This line was such an eye-opener for me. How many times have we measured our health on external appearances rather than nurturing our bodies, minds and spirits?

I spent years having only five hours sleep a night, in order to be at the gym at the crack of dawn to make sure I looked fit. Many days, attending the gym twice in one day. Not too long ago, I would drink these synthetic powders that helped to ‘lose weight’ that were so full of green-tea extract that I would get horrendous anxiety and feel like I was going to have a heart attack. Is that practising good health? Me thinks not.

I’ve always labelled myself as an ‘all or nothing girl’. I don’t drink on weeknights, I don’t drink at home and never drink on my own. I may only drink a handful of times per year, but when I do, I go way too far and feel like death the next day. And now in my thirties, I’ve discovered the post-drink blues. You know the one where you’re telling yourself what a loser you are, that you should be married with kids and planning kids’ birthday parties instead of searching for the Panadol and Hydralyte? I eat very healthy most of the time, though if I’m in a buffet situation, I get savage and binge like Augustus Gloop on death row. Like I said; all or nothing. It’s an unhealthy spiral of abstain, binge, feel shame.

Image result for augustus gloop eating gif

Am I to blame? Hell no! I was born a happy young girl who wanted nothing more than to run around barefoot and play. My brain was then flooded with images on magazines, billboards, TV, even Barbie dolls, of what a woman should look like. I was brainwashed into believing that young, slim and attractive = optimal place in society.

Sure, we’ve had improvements, thanks to someone as lovable and talented as Rebel Wilson finally getting a lead role in a movie (even though her size is mentioned throughout the entire film) and female newsreaders don’t seem to be getting replaced by a younger model quite as often. But we’re still living in a society dominated by numbers.

Every time I read an article in a magazine about one of my favourite celebrities, their age is always in brackets next to their name. As if it were imperative for the validity of the article for me to know exactly how old they are. Wow, J-Lo is still hot at 50, Cameron Diaz has first child at 47, Delta is unmarried and without child at 35. Wow, shock horror! These publications are encouraging us to label and compare ourselves to each other to see if we are ahead or behind.

Image result for running late gif — I constantly feel like I’m running behind but I don’t know why?!

Author, spiritual teacher and advocate for ‘living in the present moment’, Mr Eckhart Tolle, believes that the power of the ego lies within identifying with form. Don’t mistake form for just the physical, this can be the car you drive, your salary, your job, your postcode, your weight, your dress size or your age. Anytime you equate your worth with form, you are de-valuing yourself as a person and allowing your ego to dominate. Attention Double Bay people: don’t think I don’t notice you judging my scuffed shoes and non-designer clothes.

Ryan Gosling’s character Sebastian, in the film ‘La La Land’, describes the people of LA as “worshipping everything and valuing nothing”. It’s like a societal Cancer that has spread its disease from coast to coast, brainwashing us into believing that we must attain a certain product, or look a certain way to feel good about ourselves. But do we feel good? Or have we just become the optimal consumer?

The mere fact that a Kardashian is worth over a billion dollars and Dr Charlie Teo isn’t, is proof that modern culture is misguided. If you were dying and needed life-saving surgery, I doubt that someone with a make-up line, a pushy stage-mum and an empire built on the back of big sister’s sex-tape would be able to help you.

Image result for kylie jenner gif — That’s a billion dollar selfie-game right there

Let’s continue to fight the belief that our worth lies in a measurable number. Our humanity, our compassion and our passions will always define us so much more. This body that we’re in is just clothing for who we really are, and it’s temporary, just like our cars, our jobs and our homes. When they go, what makes us special will remain. Remember that and tune into it as often as possible. All of these numbers and figures are a way to compare ourselves to others and determine that we aren’t measuring up. They lower our self-worth and in turn, make us want to spend our hard-earned dollars on labels and products that make us ‘fit in’ to the social norm.

If you really want to talk numbers, here are some figures that count: Scientists have determined that there will be more plastic than fish in the oceans by 2050, …depressing, sure. But more important than your dress size. Or on the back-end of what was a grief-stricken Summer for Australians, the bushfires have burnt an estimated 18.6 million hectares, destroyed over 5,900 buildings (including 2,779 homes) and killed at least 34 people. An estimated one billion animals have been killed and some endangered species may be driven to extinction. Yet amidst the tragedy, Australians and international friends managed to raise over $50 million, led by our Aussie Queen, Celeste Barber. That’s the thing about tragedies; people are always willing to band together to help one another, we just need the right inspiration.

Let’s focus on the things that really matter and move away from media influence that pits us against one another and causes us to question our worth.

Here’s to a life without numbers! Maths was always my least favourite subject anyway.

May 29, 2019May 31, 2019

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

It’s a truth, universally acknowledged that the two greatest fears amongst humans are public speaking and death. To which Jerry Seinfeld poignantly noted that at a funeral, most of us would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.
I don’t know about you, but one of my greatest fears has always been prison. I need to move my body, feel the earth under my bare feet and stare up at the moon before retiring to bed.
Something I have come to realise over the years, is that a lot of us are living like prisoners. Behind the invisible bars of not being our “true selves”.

In my early twenties, I worked at Myer, in the ladies’ accessories department. What a great job to have at an age where all you wanted to do was try on all the merchandise, run out to Pitt Street to sneak a ciggie, wear low-cut tops and flirt with all the straight boys in the logistics department. At the ripe old age of 35, my life now consists mainly of loose-fitted shirts and napping.
I was approached, one day, by two Chanel representatives who asked me if I’d like to remain in that department, exclusively selling Chanel sunglasses (at $500 a pop, those babies really moved!) I took them up on their offer, wooed by promises of commissions and free Chanel sunglasses (I never saw either). Though there was a catch: the Chanel uniform consisted of a long, high wasted navy skirt and a thick, high neck shirt in a beige that can only be described as the colour of diarrhea. I also had to wear my hair in a bun and no dangly earrings. My thing is the statement earring; Hello J-LO and Nelly Furtado hoops! I was miserable.
OK, I guess George Michael makes a fair point that “sometimes the clothes do not make the man”, but your personal style is your first message to the world of who you are. I felt like I was shackled. Forced to tone down the real Steph.
I literally ran to the chemist on my lunch break and got three more piercings in my ears just to rebel. And a little while later, got my first tattoo.

How many of us today are in a relationship, a friendship, a course or a job that does not, in any way reflect our most authentic selves? Doing something that compromises our beliefs or goals because we believe it is the right thing to do. Or what our loved ones told us we should be doing.
I don’t want to wait until I’m a granny on her way to bingo, before I start being honest about what I really want or who I really am.

Pop music phenomenon Katy Perry was dropped by three record labels before officially hitting the big time with her ’06 hit ‘I kissed a girl’. Always being told to change her image and change her style of songs because she needed to be the next Avril Lavigne, Perry kept thinking; “I just wanna be the first Katy Perry”.
Fast forward a decade or so, and this woman has amassed a net worth of $330m, released 5 albums and 29 hit singles, currently has a successful TV career and a successful perfume and shoe line…just to name a few. This success arose when she walked away from the people who did not believe in her vision, went back to writing and recording her own songs that reflected who she was. And the rest, is history.

Image result for katy perry gif — Take that, losers!

Perhaps the key to success is a mixture of being true to your most authentic self and having someone believe in you and back you.
We’ve all heard Gaga’s speech about getting her big movie break in A Star is Born, about having one hundred people in a room and ninety nine don’t believe in you but you only need that one person. For her, that one person was Bradley Cooper who had seen her perform La Vien Rose at a charity event and moved mountains to have her cast as the lead.

As a result, Gaga received multiple award nominations for her acting role, won critical acclaim worldwide, won an Oscar for best song in the film and absolutely slayyyyyyed the red-carpet during awards season. I think we can all agree, there is only one Lady Gaga.

Related image — Thanks for believing in me Coops. Can I have your babies?

I’m really digging podcasts at the moment. I’m feeling so motivated and inspired by hearing the voices of those I most admire and listening to their stories of rise & fall, directly from the horse’s mouth. Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast is at the very top of my list.
In one of these episodes, Oprah tells of her truly inspiring story that I highly recommend you listen to. I don’t know any story quite like Queen O’s. To rise and rise after such a tragic and tumultuous childhood is truly inspiring. Though the story that really stood out in my mind is how she first got her big break on a daytime talk show in Chicago after kicking around on news programs that she never truly felt comfortable at. Oprah was pitted against The Phil Donahue Show.

For those of you old enough to remember, Donahue was the unrivalled King of daytime TV and Oprah was essentially told by her boss, in so many words; “we know you don’t stand a chance against Phil Donahue, we just want you to get up there and be yourself”. On her first episode, Oprah beat Phil’s ratings and her show continued to gain audiences at a rapid rate until she became the unequivocal Queen of daytime TV (and my world).

There was never anything that cutting edge that set Oprah apart from her peers, she merely demonstrated immense warmth and empathy. Oprah was truly, just being herself, and for her, that was enough to create immense success, given the right platform.

When Ed Sheeran sings, when Jamie Oliver cooks, when Oprah speaks or when Carl Barron tells a joke, are they re-inventing the wheel? Or are they just being their most authentic selves, doing something they really, truly enjoy?

Look at what you’re doing and what you have on your bucket list. Ask yourself if this is what makes your soul soar, or if it’s just what you think you “should” be doing.
Stop “should”-ing on your life. This life may be briefer than you think.

My name is Steph. I like to tell dirty jokes (sometimes with interpretive dance). I like to drink shots at parties instead of being the designated driver (also with interpretive dance). I like to swear if it makes the story better. I like to sing in the shower, pat other people’s dogs, compliment strangers on a nice outfit, watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas Carols (even if it’s only May) and I like to have a good cry at YouTube videos of cochlear transplant patients hearing their loved ones’ voices for the first time (seriously gets me every time).

Join me in shedding the chains that are smothering the real you. Let your true colours shine, whether it’s to someone else’s liking or not. And do one thing every day that makes you smile, whether you get paid for it or not.
In the words of one Homer J. Simpson; “if it feels good, do it!”

February 17, 2019March 7, 2019

Is reverse …ism helping the cause?

My very first blog was nearly one year ago, with the majority of the content dedicated to the train wreck that is MAFS. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you would know that I’m referring to the height of reality TV: Australia’s Married at First Sight.

Channel 9 undoubtedly hit the jackpot last year with ratings for MAFS absolutely obliterating MKR and any other rival network’s programs. Realising that they probably needed to up the ante to avoid any staleness or comparisons to last year, they have included some absolutely vile characters speaking vile words to their mate. I use the word “characters” because each year, ex-contestants claim that they were assigned scripted conversations, and that each show was so heavily edited to pigeon hole cliché characters such as villain and victim. Or in this case; several narcissists, a douche-bag alpha male, his mate who claims to be looking for marriage but won’t stop kissing his wife just to shut her up, Australia’s very own Kim Kardashian, a boring meditator who finds spirituality in buttering toast, a virgin, his lesbian wife, a farmer who took a wrong turn on his way to audition for Farmer Wants a Wife, several gym junkies, several psychos and several plastic lips that closely resemble frankfurts from primary school fetes. Not to mention the main characters of this show: carefully placed family sized blocks of Cadbury chocolate and jars of Nutella.

Image result for wayne's world it's like people only do things because they're getting paid, and that's just really sad — Someone’s gotta pay the bills

I had no intention of writing another blog in relation to this ratings phenomenon, until last week’s episode included what I, and over 54,000 Aussies (according to an online petition) found to be blatant reverse-sexism. Our resident villain Ines and her gentle-giant, ex stripper husband Bronson were on the couch discussing their first week of ‘marriage’ (I use the term loosely) with the supposed experts who matched them (for reasons unbeknown to us). The entire week was dominated by Ines degrading Bronson in every situation, from his appearance, to his past, to his clothing etc. Bronson copped it on the chin all week (the man has the patience of a saint). He sat silently each time she screamed at him to “shut the f#@k up! Just shut the f#@k up!” Each time this happened, I imagined Bronson’s lovely dad watching the TV through tears in his eyes, as some psycho terrorised his only remaining son. When it was Bronson’s turn to speak to the experts, he described her behaviour in a word not suitable for young ears. Whilst we were all at home cringing from the use of a word that we don’t ever want a man to use when describing a woman, we also thought “well that word really does describe her to a tee”. The experts felt it necessary to publicly shame Bronson for his behaviour, whilst the charming Ines got off scot-free.

Ines doing her best Joey Tribbiani “smell the fart acting”

The internet was in an absolute uproar the next day, with an online petition #SetBronsonFree doing the rounds. I tried to comment on MAFS Instagram post but they have restricted the comments so no-one could comment. Which for a TV show, feels like a major cop out. The point I was hoping to bring to their attention, was that if Bronson spoke to Ines the way she did to him, he would have likely been removed from the program, with the producers citing ‘verbal abuse and intimidation’. Especially given his large stature. I tried to call the show out on what I feel is blatant reverse sexism. Which got me thinking, how rife ‘reverse everything-ism’ is in today’s society.

I’m a feminist. Why? Because I believe in gender equality. Plain and simple. But I don’t need to put men down to prove my staunch feminism; that would just make me an assh@le. Whilst I used to love t-shirts that state ‘the future is female’ or sing Beyonce’s lyrics; “who run the world? Girls!” I realise now that this is not helping our cause, and merely alienating some of our brothers. Why would you ever get men to agree in gender equality if they believe that they have to put themselves down to do so? How about, ‘the future is male & female’? If an alien race ever does invade, they won’t need to divide and conquer, they’ll only need to conquer.

Since I was a child, I get very upset and quite teary when I witness racism. I grew up in a generation where we all came from different backgrounds and had pioneering teachers like Miss Dunlop at Newtown High school of the Performing Arts who encouraged us to watch brilliant, eye opening material such as Jane Elliott’s Blue Eyes-Brown Eyes experiment, which hi-lighted just how ridiculous it is to segregate one section of people for something as trivial as colour (watch it on you-tube now, and show your children). I get physically ill when I think of the atrocities that certain groups have had to endure such as the African-American or Jewish communities (it saddens me to my core to think that this is still not yet extinct). I know that a lot of people in the media have voiced opinions that you can’t ever be racist to a white person; I don’t necessarily agree with this. Whilst I admit that in certain societies, more doors are open to white people (unfortunately), I’m still of the belief that ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, and ‘lead by example’. I would struggle to explain to my future children that they’ll just have to put-up with someone picking on them for being white, because evil people committed in-humane acts many years before they were born. Does punishing people in the present make up for the sins of others in our past?

Always lead by example, you never know who is watching

If we want to create a better future, free of prejudice, we should encourage love and kindness to all. How else will we evolve?

I hope that the date of Australia Day is moved by even one day, because as it stands now, I’m terrified to throw a snag on the BBQ for fear I’ll be labelled racist. I don’t believe I am. I’m in agreeance with the Indigenous community (go Yumi!) and for those who just keep saying that we should move on and get over it, allow me to enlighten you with a little perspective in language you might understand. If you’re a follower of that horrendous excuse for public opinion; Pauline Hanson, you’re probably terrified of Asian Invasion or too many Muslims in your backyard. Well let’s say that a whole fleet of them turned up tomorrow, brandishing weapons you’ve never seen before, killing your men, raping your women, stealing your children, then sticking a flag in the ground and conquering your ‘already occupied’ land as their own. Then every year after that, celebrating it with their national dessert and heaps of booze. Would you find it hurtful and insensitive? Another example might be, that my best friend was killed in a car accident on 30^th January 2008 by a hit and run driver who got a very short prison sentence. Each year on this date, I have a very heavy heart and am reminded of my loss. What if the driver came over to my house on that day every year with an eski and streamers to celebrate the day he had a fun joy-ride?

How can you look in their eyes and argue against Yumi?

I would love to get together with all Australians to celebrate a day that does not symbolise the sins of our ancestors, but rather the new Australia in which we respect each other, in this beautiful sunburnt country. As opposed to the land in which Yumi Stynes was rightly speaking up for those whose voices are not represented in mainstream TV, only to receive weeks of messages from strangers urging her to go and kill herself.

First 5 stages of effective conflict resolution:

Stay Calm.
Listen to Understand.
Accentuate the Positive.
State Your Case Tactfully.
Attack the Problem, Not the Person.

I don’t need to put others down to win the argument. I just have to have the more educated and compassionate argument.

I was born into the Catholic faith. I also went to a Catholic Primary School, which truth be told, were some of the best years of my life. Though how terrifying it is today to admit that you’re of this faith because some hateful/uneducated people have tarnished it. I admit that over the years, my faith has drastically evolved from your typical Catholic. I have wonderful friendships with gay men and women, I voted yes on same-sex marriage, I think priests should be allowed to marry and I think that a lot of the bible contain outdated scriptures written by man, not God.

My beliefs mirror that of Jesus: be kind to ALL, don’t judge, spread love, be good to your parents and bless those who sin against you because they need it most (that last one will test your patience). My grade 6 teacher sat us all down in a circle one day to play a game of Chinese whispers, she started with the phrase “I love Jesus” which at the end, after making its way through thirty kids, became “I ate Coco Pops for breakfast”. We all had a good chuckle then my teacher said: “and that’s how the Bible works”. This teacher is now openly gay, and one of the smartest women to ever educate me.

I live with a proud atheist, am related to proud Catholics and have friendships with Muslims, Buddhists & the undecided. Each of these people respect my beliefs and understand that my relationship with Jesus is personal and has been my pillar of strength through every wonderful and heartbreaking moment in my life. I recently attended a different church with someone close to me which was much more personalised and hands on in comparison to my traditional church where most people wake up when it’s time to shake each other’s hands. This room was full of really warm, happy people who wanted to talk and connect. I would hate to think they some people would throw shade on their entire belief system, because some people within that community have opposing and somewhat rigid views. Tony Abbott’s lesbian sister is not a bigot just because she’s related to one. Let us not all be punished for sins of the father.

If we all throw stones at those with hateful views, have we not then become the monster we’re fighting?

Let’s lead the way for our youth by standing up for our beliefs in a compassionate manner. Let’s continue to educate ourselves on other cultures/genders/Religions. Let’s actively work together to create a society built on mutual respect, love and kindness.

I can only pray that my future children look up to me more than those sisters who have amassed an empire on the back of a leaked sex tape.

December 20, 2018May 2, 2019

Finding your voice

Would you say that you are brave? Tough question, right? I’m pretty sure I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of spiders, public speaking, heights, being hungry on a long train-ride. I’m even scared of escalators! Though, actually I think that this fear is pretty rational, given that I was knocked unconscious on an escalator in ‘03 when my long, Stevie Nicks-esque cardigan got caught on one at Hurstville station and catapulted me back down to earth and left my back covered in escalator shaped tooth marks.

My partner, Allan is one of those crazy, calm people who doesn’t panic when everything falls apart. He does this really weird thing where he looks for a solution to the problem without attaching emotion to it (like I said; crazy). He’s also one of those mental patients who has jumped out of an aeroplane willingly, bungee jumped for the fun of it and continues to ask me to accompany him swimming with sharks (bless his cotton socks).

I am no thrill seeker, but there is one area where my bravery excelled as a child and returned with a vengeance in my 30’s after an unfortunate disappearing act in my 20’s; speaking my mind. Something that I believe young children and senior citizens are brilliant at. I remember visiting my nan in the nursing home the year of her passing, asking if she liked my new jacket; “not really” she replied. Ahhh, so refreshingly honest. What happens to us in those years in between dummies and dentures? Is it that deadly disease sweeping the globe; ‘caring what others think of us’? Imagine what the human race could accomplish in those wasted hours spent worrying about the judgement of others?

My greatest flaw and biggest barrier to success has been my ‘people pleasing’ personality. That need for a pat on the head, to be told that I’m doing a good job. Every time I have needed external validation, I have handed over my power to someone else.

I have this theory, from carefully observing those I deem to be successful: that some of the most successful people did not do well in school. I was a straight-A student whom teachers loved. They told me to jump and I asked; “how high”? I then spent my early adult years in unhealthy relationships with basic jobs and financial debt. Could this be because I was a victim of a system that encouraged ‘sheep’ rather than independent thinkers? I’m not suggesting to stop reading or being interested in gaining knowledge, I’m suggesting that perhaps a rebellious streak could have been a little less punished by our superiors.

Richard Branson is a name known around the world, not just for being one hell of a flirt, but for creating a hugely recognisable and successful brand in various industries. In his autobiography ‘Like a Virgin’, Branson talks about his struggles at school due to his dyslexia and poor academic performance. Before dropping out at age 16, the mogul’s headmaster told him he would either end up in prison or become a millionaire. I propose the question; in fear of ending up as the former, how many of us have been prohibited from becoming the latter?

Some may call me argumentative; fair call. I grew up in a family who could have brought home the gold, if arguing was an Olympic Sport. Though I’m learning to pick my battles and walk away from conversations that can’t be won, such as disagreements with people who are more offended by two men holding hands than holding guns. “I could argue with an idiot, but then there’d be two idiots”. There is a fine line between being argumentative and having a voice. Having a voice is my finest quality and it continues to make me proud of myself. This doesn’t mean that I’m not kind or compassionate, this just means that I value myself and my needs, which in turn, makes me stronger to help others.

Kasey Chambers articulated this brilliantly as she was recently inducted into the ARIA Hall of fame; “being a bitch doesn’t make you strong, and being strong doesn’t make you a bitch”. Amen.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore Lady Gaga. Not just for her amazing vocal performances that have inspired me in my own singing career, but because she’s just plain smart. After having back to back success with her first two albums, Gaga felt immense pressure on her from her record label and media scrutiny to continue and expand on this success. Having been a songwriter from a young age, Gaga felt the emphasis moving away from her creativity and onto her being a money-making puppet for people riding the coat tails of her success. After being hospitalised with a broken hip and experiencing constant pain from fibromyalgia, Gaga felt quite simply; depressed. I watch a lot of Lady Gaga footage on YouTube; there are some damn fine performances on there, but my very favourite is of Gaga’s speech at Yale University, encouraging us to SAY NO. The multi award winning singer and songwriter shared with the audience, some of the questions she asked herself to return to a healthier state of mind:

“Stephanie/Gaga/hybrid person, why is it that you’re unhappy? Why is it that you want to quit music? Well I really don’t like selling these fragrances. I don’t like wasting my time spending days shaking people’s hands & smiling & taking selfies; it feels shallow to my existence. I have a lot more to offer than my image. I don’t like being used to make people money. I feel SAD when I am overworked and that I just become a money-making machine and that my passion and my creativity take a back seat; that makes me unhappy. So what did I do? I started to say no. “I’m not doin’ that. I don’t wanna do that. I’m not taking that picture, I’m not goin’ to that event, I’m not standing by that ‘cause that’s not what I stand for.” And slowly but surely, I remembered who I am. And then you go home, and you look in the mirror and you’re like; YES, I can go to bed with YOU every night, because I know that person. That person has balls, that person has integrity, that person has an opinion…I check in with myself throughout the day and ask myself, do I really want to do this? And if the answer is no, I don’t do it, and you shouldn’t either.”

I believe this speech to be a very powerful reminder of who is in charge of our own lives. Especially now, that we are living in a society dominated by ‘likes’ and ‘followers’. We may not have the same financial freedom as Gaga to stay at home if we don’t feel like going to work that day. But if you feel stuck in a situation that is sacrificing who you are as a person in the effort to appease another, then only you have the power to say NO. To remove yourself from that situation and then try something different. Once you can do that without looking around for someone to tell you that it’s OK, you have conquered fear. And you will be free.

When we were children, we all wanted to grow up. Surely it wasn’t for the bills and wrinkles; it was for the freedom.

I’m a work in progress. I know that times will arise throughout the day when I will worry what might happen, what someone might say, or doubt my talent and abilities. But that’s OK. As long as I am aware of this and keep bringing myself back, then I am moving forward.

I recently did something for my career that the mere thought of years ago would have terrified me to my core. No matter the outcome of this huge risk I took, I felt so good inside, knowing that I pushed through the shaking legs and achieved something I never had before. I was brave, and I am so proud of myself. I go to bed each night and look at Steph in the mirror and say; “I can go to bed with you”.

As we draw to the end of the year; my first year writing this blog, I would like to thank you so much for reading words that have meant a lot to me. I wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas filled with love, trifle and champagne.

My wish for us all in 2019, is that we say no to situations that make us unhappy, say yes to adventures that help us grow and have balls bigger than a rhino.

Image result for kath and kim gif — Work it Kimmy

September 23, 2018May 2, 2019

The real F-word

It was recently suggested to me that men have a higher suicide rate than women because of feminism. Please excuse me whilst I wash this vomit out of my mouth for a moment. If anyone believes this, I implore you to pick up a book or go out of your little box and into the world. These folk need to stop getting their education through over-dramatised social media posts or Trump-esque videos aimed at pitting one group of people against another. This ‘us v them’ culture is truly the demise of us all. Living with a football player, I can tell you that the reason suicide is much higher in men, particularly in the football community, is because they were raised in macho surroundings where you were labelled a ‘wimp’ or a ‘pussy’ if you cried or showed emotion. Many psychologists believe that those who internalise are at a higher risk of suicide. I fail to see how me expecting to be given the same rights as my male counterpart encourages suicidal tendencies. If that’s the case, you really are a pussy.

What makes me laugh is when a woman feels the need to preface a smart statement with the line: “I’m not a feminist, but…” It reminds me of when Pauline Hanson says; “I’m not racist, but Asians are taking over”. Ladies, if you’re going to say something in support of your fellow sisters, please don’t feel the need to apologise before it escapes your mouth. That’s only perpetuating the myth of feminism being hateful. This is the exact problem. That feminism is a dirty word. This movement has never been about hating men, it’s only ever been about equality. Imagine a world where we weren’t pre-judged on our gender, our race or our religion. Because that’s what prejudice is; pre-judging. You can judge me as much as you would like, but please judge me only on my actions. Because that is all I can control. Everything else was a birthright.

When I was in high school, I was in a group of friends that consisted of two other girls and about 10 males. My favourite thing to do on a Friday night is have steak and wine at the pub whilst watching the footy. When I am invited to family functions; all of the women sit inside eating cake and talking about celebrities, yet I sit out the back with the men; drinking scotch, smoking cigars and talking about sport. Yet, I am a feminist. I repeat; feminism is not about hating or lowering men, it’s about making everyone recognise we deserve the same rights, whether I can change a tyre or not (I so cannot…NRMA anyone?). Can I also clarify another misconception? You don’t actually have to be a woman to be a feminist. My hot, straight, football playing boyfriend believes whole-heartedly that he and I are equal and that he is not entitled to any more than I due to a difference in gender. He too, is a feminist. Believing in gender equality is what makes you a feminist (and also not an idiot).

Image result for feminism gif

Having been born in the 80’s, I was brought up on movies that led us to believe that our happy ending was standing at the end of the altar in a white dress. What’s interesting, is that very rarely did they explain what we did with our lives after that (presumably barefoot and pregnant). Men saved the world, and women married those men. Gradually, with each generation, you see a shift in entertainment. Disney used to portray Cinderella getting rescued from horrible (and catty towards other women) step-sisters by a handsome prince. Poor old Belle had a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome when she fell in love with her captor. But today, Moana is sailing the seven seas to rescue her whole village! She’s warm and wild and brave, and the world fell in love with her (I love her crazy grandmother who dances with Sting-rays; that’s my kinda woman). The big shift arose when I was a teenager, The Spice Girls introduced us to Girl Power and my TV screen was dominated by Buffy, the Charmed ones and Dark Angel. Their ass-kicking moves and sassy retorts will live on in my soul forever.

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Can someone please explain to me why so many believe it acceptable, humorous even, when a man is drunk at a party but inappropriate if a woman is? I wanna have some fun too (right Ms Lauper?) Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t alcohol work its way down to the liver rather than the penis? Hmm, perhaps I need to look at a diagram of anatomy again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning drinking to excess, I just fail to see why it’s socially acceptable for one and not the other. I was not born to be the designated driver with an expensive handbag. I have a voice, and I intend to use it. Plus…I am a fantastic dancer after a few champagnes. I was recently shamed by a wife of my partner’s friend for having been drunk at a party two and a half years ago. I walked up to her at a wedding and introduced myself, to which she replied; “oh we’ve already met at that birthday party years ago, but you were too drunk to remember”. I found that very interesting, considering that her husband was drunk at that birthday party, her husband was drunk at this wedding and her husband has been drunk at every occasion in between, as were all the men in that group. I’ve even had my sink clogged by their vomit. But I suppose that’s funny (YTB!) I’ll tell you this much about our lovely friend, I wouldn’t have remembered her even if I was sober. I tend to only remember people with personality.

It’s disappointing to realise that it’s not only men who are fighting our belief in gender equality. We can only succeed if we work together and stop tearing each other down.

No one can be ‘better’ than another based on something they were born with, such as a postcode, a colour of skin or a chromosome. Your actions are the only thing that determine your importance. Graham Long is better than most, because for decades, he provided a safe haven for the lonely and hopeless in Kings Cross. He used his voice to help others find their own. Turia Pitt is better than most because she is breaking down the walls of perceived beauty and continues to rise, despite her setbacks. She is using her strength, to help others find their own.

Allow me to share with you an actual exert from the Woman Anti-Suffrage Association of New York, urging men to vote no on the woman suffrage amendment;

Vote NO because there is no adequate reason why the women of this State should assume this duty in addition to those they already carry.
Vote NO because women are not suffering from any injustice which giving them the ballot would rectify.
Vote NO because man’s service to the State through government is counter-balanced by woman’s service in the home. One service is just as essential to the welfare of the State as the other, but they can never be identical.

Housework was actually referred to as a woman’s service to the State.

Remember the old saying; “who died and made you boss?”. Who died and put men in charge? Why did we ever have to ask for permission to have a voice? It makes as much sense as black people sitting on one end of the bus, and white people sitting on the other.

Inequality is in play when TV executives deem it OK to have a male news anchor who is old and unattractive, but his female co-anchor must be under 55, slim and attractive (I know you all remember Brian Henderson). Inequality is in play when Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence were paid less than their male co-stars for the same film, even though they’re both Oscar winners. And inequality is in play when tampons are taxed as a luxury item but condoms are not.

Once a month, I love to spoil myself with some luxurious indulgence.

Feminism is a beautiful word. It might not be as beautiful as my two other favourite F-words; Free Food. But I am damn proud to use it.

A woman with a voice is a beautiful creature, not as the lovely Greens member Greg Barber put it; “fat, hairy lesbians”, “power pussies” and “hairy-legged feminists”. Sit down Greg; you ain’t no oil painting.

Any movement that encourages equality and fairness is a good and necessary movement. It is met with resistance only by the weak who fear losing their strength if others are stronger. True power comes from within, and cannot be taken away by another.

FEAR; now that is truly one of the filthiest words.