article - The Barefoot Blogger

October 4, 2021October 4, 2021

Is boredom the opposite of happiness?

I recently downloaded the audio book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ by Tim Ferris. You’ve probably read it or at least heard of it. A brilliant concept of figuring out clear and concise methods to condense a week’s worth of work into 4hrs, with the income continuously flowing in so that you can travel the world, spend your mornings surfing or doing yoga and generally living an awesome life. A brilliant read, worthy of its accolades but when he started in on complex math equations, I hit pause and am yet to revisit. I will…‘someday’. There is one line of his that stuck to my brain like Grape Hubba Bubba under ‘90’s school desks:

“Most people think that the opposite of happiness is sadness. It’s not. The opposite of happiness is boredom”.

Read that again.

The further we get into this pandemic that prohibits us from any form of adventure and the further I sink into the mundane responsibilities that encompass adult life, I realise that this is 100% my problem. I AM BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND!

Hillary Clinton Bored GIF - Hillary Clinton Bored - Discover & Share GIFs — Hang in there Hils.
(GIF courtesy of tenor.com)

Some of you might think this odd of a girl (oh sorry, I’m a woman, keep forgetting) who recently married the love of her life. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is an absolute gem of a human being. His company is a true gift. But I’m still an individual person, as is he, with our own desires of creating a life full of adventure and wonder and I can’t say that I feel much of either lately.

It’s important to note that I actually wrote most of this article in early June, a few weeks before this very lengthy Sydney lockdown was imposed. Please don’t interpret my words as boredom of only this lockdown, but also boredom of the ‘busy’ life I was leading before June 26.

Many of us were already so bored with the busy-ness of our daily routine. Just because you’re tired and have a to-do list longer than Mariah Carey’s hotel demands, it doesn’t mean you’re not bored (that was totally not a judgement, Mimi provided the soundtrack of my childhood and if she demands my kidney, it’s hers). You have to ask the question; how many of us are feeling fulfilled by our insanely busy lives? Are we busy because we’re carving out the path we always dreamed of, or because we’re doing what society has convinced us we ‘should’ be doing? Are we going to the gym because we love it? Or because we only feel seen as successful if we have a toned booty? Are we throwing big birthday parties for our kids because we enjoy it? Or because we’re worried we’ll be mum-shamed if we don’t?

It’s the intention behind our movements that can mark the difference between enjoyment and obligation.

My current admin role has a tendency to suck the living soul out of me on a daily basis. It doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful to be one of the few who is blessed enough to have retained her employment throughout a pandemic and two lockdowns, but I can’t be true to myself or to you if I don’t admit that being seen as the bicky bitch makes me wonder where I took a wrong turn. Paying my dues with mundane tasks at 18 made sense, but at 38 I can’t help but think, how the fuck did I get back here?!!!!

Wine Under Desk Crying GIF - Wine Under Desk Crying Robin - Discover & Share GIFs — Not actual footage of me, but not far off.
(GIF courtesy of tenor.com)

I spent most of my early life on stage, dancing and singing. I danced in the opening ceremony of the Sydney Olympics, I danced in an NRL Grand Final Opening Ceremony, I sang on The Voice. Now I’m filling up the biscuit container, collecting and distributing mail, taking everyone’s mouldy coffee cups to the dishwasher and being frowned upon for wearing bright red dresses or giant hoop earrings. I think the words “try to blend in” were actually uttered to me before last year’s staff photo. I’m just not quite sure they really ‘get me’.

But here’s the clincher, it’s not anyone else’s fault. I can’t blame anyone but myself here. That’s my God Damn job. It was my choice to take a job that has a steady income to pay the bills, when I know it will not bring me joy. I chose ‘safety’ over ‘adventure’. I hate to admit it, but I think somewhere along the line, I stopped being brave.

We all want to be seen and to be heard. And more than anything, for our individuality to be celebrated. If it’s not, you’re probably in the wrong place. When I was in a toxic relationship, full of despair and self-loathing, I wrote a sentence in my journal that I have recited to myself many times since:

“You’re a sundial in the shade, you’re not broken; you’re just in the wrong place”.

I vividly remember staring out of the window in high school Maths class (give me Art and English any day) transporting myself into a little café in Paris, covered in vines, seated inside looking out at the trickling rain, smoking on my cigarette and sipping my hot chocolate (I invented that fantasy way before you were old enough to get a passport Emily in Paris).

We all have places we transport ourselves to in times of boredom, but the question is, can we turn that visualisation into reality?

As a child, I would fantasize about the abilities of Mary Poppins, jumping into chalk drawings and being whisked away to magical lands of riding merry-go-round horses in a horse race, eating candy apples and bursting into song and dance with penguins. I just always believed that I was magical like Ms Poppins. Now I fear I may have turned into grumpy old Mr Banks who likes things neat and orderly. Some will surely read this and find me ridiculous, but trust me when I say; in every second of every day, I would rather be ridiculous than mediocre.

Mary Poppins Chalk Drawing Scene on Make a GIF — Wait for me Mary!
(GIF courtesy of makeagif.com )

A woman of 38 is expected by society, almost demanded, to put away seemingly childish quests in place of being sensible. To make a good wife, mother and daughter. To hold a steady job and create a beautiful home (soooo much more to say on this topic, but I’ll save that juice nugget for my article on the patriarchy).

I had recently lost my effervescent optimism in place of this nagging irritability and I realise now, it’s because I’m going against my true nature. The way a bird locked in a cage feels, when her wings were created to soar above the clouds. The nature that wants me to run barefoot in the rain and spin in circles. The nature that makes me aspire to find my next singing gig instead of scrolling through the Baby Bunting site looking at cribs for my future babies. The nature that makes me sit at work thinking of my next three blog topics instead of topping up the bowl of Mentos in the boardroom or the Tim Tams in the kitchen.

If you’ve seen that Goddess of a woman Lady Gaga in her Oscar Nominated performance in A Star Is Born, you might recall the opening scene of her working in a restaurant, late for her singing gig because her boss makes her take out bags of trash before she clocks off. She walks slowly up the ramp of a dirty basement, in plain work clothes, with plain swept up hair, spinning around slowly as she sings the words to ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’:

“When all the world is a hopeless jumble
and the raindrops tumble all around.
Heaven opens a magic lane.
When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There’s a rainbow highway to be found”…

As the words A STAR IS BORN slowly emerge on the screen. A girl who most might walk by as just another invisible person. But inside, she is a superstar.

In the words of real life Gaga herself: “I’ve always been famous, it’s just no one knew it yet”.

Lady Gaga - National Anthem - Super Bowl 2016 (HD 1080p) Full Video on Make a GIF — My Queen!
(GIF courtesy of https://makeagif.com )

I simply refuse to believe that we were put here to merely go to the gym, wash the dishes, go to work, have zoom meetings, make dinner, wash and hang the laundry, sleep and repeat. To be ‘good girls’. To follow the rules. To get praise from our parents, our teachers, our bosses. To make a good home for our husbands and children and host insta-worthy parties. Although if I do host a party, you’d best believe that there’s a damn good cheese platter on–hand and the Aperol is flowing. As an Italian, there are just standards that must be up-held, for the love of good food and drinks (not because that’s what’s expected of me of course).

At least I’m one of the lucky ones who married a guy with values that mirror my own. He has no expectations of me other than to do what makes me happy, because he’s woke enough to have noticed that on the days when I do something amazing for myself, I come home with beautiful energy that in turn, makes me a better wife, neighbour, colleague, daughter, sister, aunty, friend.

This year marked ten years since my first solo trip overseas. I had just exited a highly dangerous, toxic relationship and sent myself to Italy for two weeks on a Contiki tour. I could have visited multiple cities throughout Europe, but it felt cathartic for me to stick only to Italy and visit so much of my heritage as I rediscovered myself. I really found a special part of Steph there, and she lives in a little pocket in my chest always, licking on hazelnut gelato and immersing from the ocean onto rocks so damn hot I can almost feel them burning right now.

We must live a life that sets our souls ablaze. If we can’t travel yet, we must find something else. That’s when the magic finds us.

Many times throughout life and particularly this lockdown, I have lost myself. As I’m sure many of you have. But eventually, I always find myself again. I feel the veil lift, I open my ears to The Universe, and she recommences speaking to me in her riddles that make me know I’m part of something special and much bigger than me.

As the lockdown restrictions begin to ease in a matter of days, don’t forget that it allowed you a breather. Time to rest and discover something about yourself. It was a re-set. An unravelling and putting back together.

Because maybe, just maybe, the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything, but un-becoming everything that really isn’t you.

February 9, 2020April 8, 2020

Give me your digits

Ever get the feeling that society is judging you based on measurable numbers from your age to your dress size, from your salary to your postcode? Remember being seven years old and having something to say only to be scoffed at, because what does a little girl who hasn’t reached a decade, know about the world? Ever felt like you became a little less relevant after the age of 35? Well, I have. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

Kris Carr is a published writer who has documented her journey on living with Cancer for over ten years. Upon having to reflect on her life and make changes to start healing her body, Kris realised that her version of ‘self-care’ had been “don’t look old and don’t get fat”. This line was such an eye-opener for me. How many times have we measured our health on external appearances rather than nurturing our bodies, minds and spirits?

I spent years having only five hours sleep a night, in order to be at the gym at the crack of dawn to make sure I looked fit. Many days, attending the gym twice in one day. Not too long ago, I would drink these synthetic powders that helped to ‘lose weight’ that were so full of green-tea extract that I would get horrendous anxiety and feel like I was going to have a heart attack. Is that practising good health? Me thinks not.

I’ve always labelled myself as an ‘all or nothing girl’. I don’t drink on weeknights, I don’t drink at home and never drink on my own. I may only drink a handful of times per year, but when I do, I go way too far and feel like death the next day. And now in my thirties, I’ve discovered the post-drink blues. You know the one where you’re telling yourself what a loser you are, that you should be married with kids and planning kids’ birthday parties instead of searching for the Panadol and Hydralyte? I eat very healthy most of the time, though if I’m in a buffet situation, I get savage and binge like Augustus Gloop on death row. Like I said; all or nothing. It’s an unhealthy spiral of abstain, binge, feel shame.

Image result for augustus gloop eating gif

Am I to blame? Hell no! I was born a happy young girl who wanted nothing more than to run around barefoot and play. My brain was then flooded with images on magazines, billboards, TV, even Barbie dolls, of what a woman should look like. I was brainwashed into believing that young, slim and attractive = optimal place in society.

Sure, we’ve had improvements, thanks to someone as lovable and talented as Rebel Wilson finally getting a lead role in a movie (even though her size is mentioned throughout the entire film) and female newsreaders don’t seem to be getting replaced by a younger model quite as often. But we’re still living in a society dominated by numbers.

Every time I read an article in a magazine about one of my favourite celebrities, their age is always in brackets next to their name. As if it were imperative for the validity of the article for me to know exactly how old they are. Wow, J-Lo is still hot at 50, Cameron Diaz has first child at 47, Delta is unmarried and without child at 35. Wow, shock horror! These publications are encouraging us to label and compare ourselves to each other to see if we are ahead or behind.

Image result for running late gif — I constantly feel like I’m running behind but I don’t know why?!

Author, spiritual teacher and advocate for ‘living in the present moment’, Mr Eckhart Tolle, believes that the power of the ego lies within identifying with form. Don’t mistake form for just the physical, this can be the car you drive, your salary, your job, your postcode, your weight, your dress size or your age. Anytime you equate your worth with form, you are de-valuing yourself as a person and allowing your ego to dominate. Attention Double Bay people: don’t think I don’t notice you judging my scuffed shoes and non-designer clothes.

Ryan Gosling’s character Sebastian, in the film ‘La La Land’, describes the people of LA as “worshipping everything and valuing nothing”. It’s like a societal Cancer that has spread its disease from coast to coast, brainwashing us into believing that we must attain a certain product, or look a certain way to feel good about ourselves. But do we feel good? Or have we just become the optimal consumer?

The mere fact that a Kardashian is worth over a billion dollars and Dr Charlie Teo isn’t, is proof that modern culture is misguided. If you were dying and needed life-saving surgery, I doubt that someone with a make-up line, a pushy stage-mum and an empire built on the back of big sister’s sex-tape would be able to help you.

Image result for kylie jenner gif — That’s a billion dollar selfie-game right there

Let’s continue to fight the belief that our worth lies in a measurable number. Our humanity, our compassion and our passions will always define us so much more. This body that we’re in is just clothing for who we really are, and it’s temporary, just like our cars, our jobs and our homes. When they go, what makes us special will remain. Remember that and tune into it as often as possible. All of these numbers and figures are a way to compare ourselves to others and determine that we aren’t measuring up. They lower our self-worth and in turn, make us want to spend our hard-earned dollars on labels and products that make us ‘fit in’ to the social norm.

If you really want to talk numbers, here are some figures that count: Scientists have determined that there will be more plastic than fish in the oceans by 2050, …depressing, sure. But more important than your dress size. Or on the back-end of what was a grief-stricken Summer for Australians, the bushfires have burnt an estimated 18.6 million hectares, destroyed over 5,900 buildings (including 2,779 homes) and killed at least 34 people. An estimated one billion animals have been killed and some endangered species may be driven to extinction. Yet amidst the tragedy, Australians and international friends managed to raise over $50 million, led by our Aussie Queen, Celeste Barber. That’s the thing about tragedies; people are always willing to band together to help one another, we just need the right inspiration.

Let’s focus on the things that really matter and move away from media influence that pits us against one another and causes us to question our worth.

Here’s to a life without numbers! Maths was always my least favourite subject anyway.

May 29, 2019May 31, 2019

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

It’s a truth, universally acknowledged that the two greatest fears amongst humans are public speaking and death. To which Jerry Seinfeld poignantly noted that at a funeral, most of us would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.
I don’t know about you, but one of my greatest fears has always been prison. I need to move my body, feel the earth under my bare feet and stare up at the moon before retiring to bed.
Something I have come to realise over the years, is that a lot of us are living like prisoners. Behind the invisible bars of not being our “true selves”.

In my early twenties, I worked at Myer, in the ladies’ accessories department. What a great job to have at an age where all you wanted to do was try on all the merchandise, run out to Pitt Street to sneak a ciggie, wear low-cut tops and flirt with all the straight boys in the logistics department. At the ripe old age of 35, my life now consists mainly of loose-fitted shirts and napping.
I was approached, one day, by two Chanel representatives who asked me if I’d like to remain in that department, exclusively selling Chanel sunglasses (at $500 a pop, those babies really moved!) I took them up on their offer, wooed by promises of commissions and free Chanel sunglasses (I never saw either). Though there was a catch: the Chanel uniform consisted of a long, high wasted navy skirt and a thick, high neck shirt in a beige that can only be described as the colour of diarrhea. I also had to wear my hair in a bun and no dangly earrings. My thing is the statement earring; Hello J-LO and Nelly Furtado hoops! I was miserable.
OK, I guess George Michael makes a fair point that “sometimes the clothes do not make the man”, but your personal style is your first message to the world of who you are. I felt like I was shackled. Forced to tone down the real Steph.
I literally ran to the chemist on my lunch break and got three more piercings in my ears just to rebel. And a little while later, got my first tattoo.

How many of us today are in a relationship, a friendship, a course or a job that does not, in any way reflect our most authentic selves? Doing something that compromises our beliefs or goals because we believe it is the right thing to do. Or what our loved ones told us we should be doing.
I don’t want to wait until I’m a granny on her way to bingo, before I start being honest about what I really want or who I really am.

Pop music phenomenon Katy Perry was dropped by three record labels before officially hitting the big time with her ’06 hit ‘I kissed a girl’. Always being told to change her image and change her style of songs because she needed to be the next Avril Lavigne, Perry kept thinking; “I just wanna be the first Katy Perry”.
Fast forward a decade or so, and this woman has amassed a net worth of $330m, released 5 albums and 29 hit singles, currently has a successful TV career and a successful perfume and shoe line…just to name a few. This success arose when she walked away from the people who did not believe in her vision, went back to writing and recording her own songs that reflected who she was. And the rest, is history.

Image result for katy perry gif — Take that, losers!

Perhaps the key to success is a mixture of being true to your most authentic self and having someone believe in you and back you.
We’ve all heard Gaga’s speech about getting her big movie break in A Star is Born, about having one hundred people in a room and ninety nine don’t believe in you but you only need that one person. For her, that one person was Bradley Cooper who had seen her perform La Vien Rose at a charity event and moved mountains to have her cast as the lead.

As a result, Gaga received multiple award nominations for her acting role, won critical acclaim worldwide, won an Oscar for best song in the film and absolutely slayyyyyyed the red-carpet during awards season. I think we can all agree, there is only one Lady Gaga.

Related image — Thanks for believing in me Coops. Can I have your babies?

I’m really digging podcasts at the moment. I’m feeling so motivated and inspired by hearing the voices of those I most admire and listening to their stories of rise & fall, directly from the horse’s mouth. Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast is at the very top of my list.
In one of these episodes, Oprah tells of her truly inspiring story that I highly recommend you listen to. I don’t know any story quite like Queen O’s. To rise and rise after such a tragic and tumultuous childhood is truly inspiring. Though the story that really stood out in my mind is how she first got her big break on a daytime talk show in Chicago after kicking around on news programs that she never truly felt comfortable at. Oprah was pitted against The Phil Donahue Show.

For those of you old enough to remember, Donahue was the unrivalled King of daytime TV and Oprah was essentially told by her boss, in so many words; “we know you don’t stand a chance against Phil Donahue, we just want you to get up there and be yourself”. On her first episode, Oprah beat Phil’s ratings and her show continued to gain audiences at a rapid rate until she became the unequivocal Queen of daytime TV (and my world).

There was never anything that cutting edge that set Oprah apart from her peers, she merely demonstrated immense warmth and empathy. Oprah was truly, just being herself, and for her, that was enough to create immense success, given the right platform.

When Ed Sheeran sings, when Jamie Oliver cooks, when Oprah speaks or when Carl Barron tells a joke, are they re-inventing the wheel? Or are they just being their most authentic selves, doing something they really, truly enjoy?

Look at what you’re doing and what you have on your bucket list. Ask yourself if this is what makes your soul soar, or if it’s just what you think you “should” be doing.
Stop “should”-ing on your life. This life may be briefer than you think.

My name is Steph. I like to tell dirty jokes (sometimes with interpretive dance). I like to drink shots at parties instead of being the designated driver (also with interpretive dance). I like to swear if it makes the story better. I like to sing in the shower, pat other people’s dogs, compliment strangers on a nice outfit, watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas Carols (even if it’s only May) and I like to have a good cry at YouTube videos of cochlear transplant patients hearing their loved ones’ voices for the first time (seriously gets me every time).

Join me in shedding the chains that are smothering the real you. Let your true colours shine, whether it’s to someone else’s liking or not. And do one thing every day that makes you smile, whether you get paid for it or not.
In the words of one Homer J. Simpson; “if it feels good, do it!”

February 17, 2019March 7, 2019

Is reverse …ism helping the cause?

My very first blog was nearly one year ago, with the majority of the content dedicated to the train wreck that is MAFS. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you would know that I’m referring to the height of reality TV: Australia’s Married at First Sight.

Channel 9 undoubtedly hit the jackpot last year with ratings for MAFS absolutely obliterating MKR and any other rival network’s programs. Realising that they probably needed to up the ante to avoid any staleness or comparisons to last year, they have included some absolutely vile characters speaking vile words to their mate. I use the word “characters” because each year, ex-contestants claim that they were assigned scripted conversations, and that each show was so heavily edited to pigeon hole cliché characters such as villain and victim. Or in this case; several narcissists, a douche-bag alpha male, his mate who claims to be looking for marriage but won’t stop kissing his wife just to shut her up, Australia’s very own Kim Kardashian, a boring meditator who finds spirituality in buttering toast, a virgin, his lesbian wife, a farmer who took a wrong turn on his way to audition for Farmer Wants a Wife, several gym junkies, several psychos and several plastic lips that closely resemble frankfurts from primary school fetes. Not to mention the main characters of this show: carefully placed family sized blocks of Cadbury chocolate and jars of Nutella.

Image result for wayne's world it's like people only do things because they're getting paid, and that's just really sad — Someone’s gotta pay the bills

I had no intention of writing another blog in relation to this ratings phenomenon, until last week’s episode included what I, and over 54,000 Aussies (according to an online petition) found to be blatant reverse-sexism. Our resident villain Ines and her gentle-giant, ex stripper husband Bronson were on the couch discussing their first week of ‘marriage’ (I use the term loosely) with the supposed experts who matched them (for reasons unbeknown to us). The entire week was dominated by Ines degrading Bronson in every situation, from his appearance, to his past, to his clothing etc. Bronson copped it on the chin all week (the man has the patience of a saint). He sat silently each time she screamed at him to “shut the f#@k up! Just shut the f#@k up!” Each time this happened, I imagined Bronson’s lovely dad watching the TV through tears in his eyes, as some psycho terrorised his only remaining son. When it was Bronson’s turn to speak to the experts, he described her behaviour in a word not suitable for young ears. Whilst we were all at home cringing from the use of a word that we don’t ever want a man to use when describing a woman, we also thought “well that word really does describe her to a tee”. The experts felt it necessary to publicly shame Bronson for his behaviour, whilst the charming Ines got off scot-free.

Ines doing her best Joey Tribbiani “smell the fart acting”

The internet was in an absolute uproar the next day, with an online petition #SetBronsonFree doing the rounds. I tried to comment on MAFS Instagram post but they have restricted the comments so no-one could comment. Which for a TV show, feels like a major cop out. The point I was hoping to bring to their attention, was that if Bronson spoke to Ines the way she did to him, he would have likely been removed from the program, with the producers citing ‘verbal abuse and intimidation’. Especially given his large stature. I tried to call the show out on what I feel is blatant reverse sexism. Which got me thinking, how rife ‘reverse everything-ism’ is in today’s society.

I’m a feminist. Why? Because I believe in gender equality. Plain and simple. But I don’t need to put men down to prove my staunch feminism; that would just make me an assh@le. Whilst I used to love t-shirts that state ‘the future is female’ or sing Beyonce’s lyrics; “who run the world? Girls!” I realise now that this is not helping our cause, and merely alienating some of our brothers. Why would you ever get men to agree in gender equality if they believe that they have to put themselves down to do so? How about, ‘the future is male & female’? If an alien race ever does invade, they won’t need to divide and conquer, they’ll only need to conquer.

Since I was a child, I get very upset and quite teary when I witness racism. I grew up in a generation where we all came from different backgrounds and had pioneering teachers like Miss Dunlop at Newtown High school of the Performing Arts who encouraged us to watch brilliant, eye opening material such as Jane Elliott’s Blue Eyes-Brown Eyes experiment, which hi-lighted just how ridiculous it is to segregate one section of people for something as trivial as colour (watch it on you-tube now, and show your children). I get physically ill when I think of the atrocities that certain groups have had to endure such as the African-American or Jewish communities (it saddens me to my core to think that this is still not yet extinct). I know that a lot of people in the media have voiced opinions that you can’t ever be racist to a white person; I don’t necessarily agree with this. Whilst I admit that in certain societies, more doors are open to white people (unfortunately), I’m still of the belief that ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, and ‘lead by example’. I would struggle to explain to my future children that they’ll just have to put-up with someone picking on them for being white, because evil people committed in-humane acts many years before they were born. Does punishing people in the present make up for the sins of others in our past?

Always lead by example, you never know who is watching

If we want to create a better future, free of prejudice, we should encourage love and kindness to all. How else will we evolve?

I hope that the date of Australia Day is moved by even one day, because as it stands now, I’m terrified to throw a snag on the BBQ for fear I’ll be labelled racist. I don’t believe I am. I’m in agreeance with the Indigenous community (go Yumi!) and for those who just keep saying that we should move on and get over it, allow me to enlighten you with a little perspective in language you might understand. If you’re a follower of that horrendous excuse for public opinion; Pauline Hanson, you’re probably terrified of Asian Invasion or too many Muslims in your backyard. Well let’s say that a whole fleet of them turned up tomorrow, brandishing weapons you’ve never seen before, killing your men, raping your women, stealing your children, then sticking a flag in the ground and conquering your ‘already occupied’ land as their own. Then every year after that, celebrating it with their national dessert and heaps of booze. Would you find it hurtful and insensitive? Another example might be, that my best friend was killed in a car accident on 30^th January 2008 by a hit and run driver who got a very short prison sentence. Each year on this date, I have a very heavy heart and am reminded of my loss. What if the driver came over to my house on that day every year with an eski and streamers to celebrate the day he had a fun joy-ride?

How can you look in their eyes and argue against Yumi?

I would love to get together with all Australians to celebrate a day that does not symbolise the sins of our ancestors, but rather the new Australia in which we respect each other, in this beautiful sunburnt country. As opposed to the land in which Yumi Stynes was rightly speaking up for those whose voices are not represented in mainstream TV, only to receive weeks of messages from strangers urging her to go and kill herself.

First 5 stages of effective conflict resolution:

Stay Calm.
Listen to Understand.
Accentuate the Positive.
State Your Case Tactfully.
Attack the Problem, Not the Person.

I don’t need to put others down to win the argument. I just have to have the more educated and compassionate argument.

I was born into the Catholic faith. I also went to a Catholic Primary School, which truth be told, were some of the best years of my life. Though how terrifying it is today to admit that you’re of this faith because some hateful/uneducated people have tarnished it. I admit that over the years, my faith has drastically evolved from your typical Catholic. I have wonderful friendships with gay men and women, I voted yes on same-sex marriage, I think priests should be allowed to marry and I think that a lot of the bible contain outdated scriptures written by man, not God.

My beliefs mirror that of Jesus: be kind to ALL, don’t judge, spread love, be good to your parents and bless those who sin against you because they need it most (that last one will test your patience). My grade 6 teacher sat us all down in a circle one day to play a game of Chinese whispers, she started with the phrase “I love Jesus” which at the end, after making its way through thirty kids, became “I ate Coco Pops for breakfast”. We all had a good chuckle then my teacher said: “and that’s how the Bible works”. This teacher is now openly gay, and one of the smartest women to ever educate me.

I live with a proud atheist, am related to proud Catholics and have friendships with Muslims, Buddhists & the undecided. Each of these people respect my beliefs and understand that my relationship with Jesus is personal and has been my pillar of strength through every wonderful and heartbreaking moment in my life. I recently attended a different church with someone close to me which was much more personalised and hands on in comparison to my traditional church where most people wake up when it’s time to shake each other’s hands. This room was full of really warm, happy people who wanted to talk and connect. I would hate to think they some people would throw shade on their entire belief system, because some people within that community have opposing and somewhat rigid views. Tony Abbott’s lesbian sister is not a bigot just because she’s related to one. Let us not all be punished for sins of the father.

If we all throw stones at those with hateful views, have we not then become the monster we’re fighting?

Let’s lead the way for our youth by standing up for our beliefs in a compassionate manner. Let’s continue to educate ourselves on other cultures/genders/Religions. Let’s actively work together to create a society built on mutual respect, love and kindness.

I can only pray that my future children look up to me more than those sisters who have amassed an empire on the back of a leaked sex tape.

July 20, 2018March 7, 2019

I can’t adult today

Wake up at 4:20am; gym, shower, eat breakfast, hang laundry, wake boyfriend, catch train, nap on train, make social media posts for business pages, pay electricity bill, go to work for 8 hours, catch train home, read novel, text friends for dinner catch up, send message to ex-colleagues about that dinner you were supposed to organise two months ago, walk home, make dinner, wash dishes, fold laundry, wash hair, do vocal warm-ups & learn new songs for singing gig next week, write blog, email club owners about gigs, spray exit mould in shower, moisturise, kiss boyfriend good night. Go to bed.

Damn. Can’t sleep.

This is my typical day. This is probably pretty similar to your typical day, with a few substitutions.

Boyfriend’s day goes a little something like this: eat, work, gym, play Fortnite. Please God, let me have a penis in my next life.

I don’t deserve pity, I agree, it’s all self-inflicted. I could choose not to do so much. At least once a week mum tells me; “Stephanie, stop doing so much! Just enjoy life.” I can’t mum, there’s no time! We’re in the midst of a gender shift where women are in their element. I flick through the Sunday paper and find articles of female entrepreneurs telling me how I can achieve my dreams, just like they did. We used to be encouraged/programmed/brainwashed (you say potato) to marry someone on a stable income (or filthy rich). Now, we’re being told we can create our own riches and achieve business and personal goals, from real-life women who have done the same.

The problem we’re all having with trying to create a noteworthy life, is that we’re not leaving enough time to live it.

What terrifies me, is that I don’t even have kids yet. How do people with kids do it?!!! I guess that’s why most new parents I know are in zombie mode. Just pushing through with a hell of a lot of eye cream and caffeine.

At night, my mind is occupied with ticking off today’s To-do List and writing tomorrow’s, that by the time I get to bed; I find it hard to shut my mind down enough for sleep. My boyfriend constantly bear-hugs me in the kitchen whilst pleading with my brain to stop planning and over-thinking (don’t tell him that I actually scheduled our sex-life into my list one day). In my defence, he and many other people in my life depend on me to organise many aspects of our lives. If I don’t plan and over think, very little would get done in our home, I assure you. In fact, my friend Alexis articulates it much better, when I send texts reminding everyone of what time to leave work to be at dinner on time and which transportation would be faster; “Bruno, what would we do without you?”

I have two modes; work like a ravenous beast until I feel a sense of accomplishment, or collapse on my bed and threaten to run away and become a waitress in a country town, spending most of my days lying on the grass, making shapes out of clouds and singing Stevie Nicks songs (if you can’t give me penis in my next life God, can I be a joint-smoking hippie? Or a hang-ten surfie? Ooh ooh and long, tanned legs please!)

I am all kinds of tired lately. Things are going to have to change. I harp on about balance a hell of a lot, and I always start with the best intentions but soon enough, I’m back where I started.

I ponder now of the days in my teens I wished away; waiting to be older, to have freedom from rules and curfews and homework. What I wouldn’t give to be lying on my single bed in my parents’ home, letting Tori Amos’ ethereal vocals wash over my melancholy soul, dreaming about boys, under my Dawson’s Creek posters. “We’ll I’m not seventeen but I’ve cuts on my knees. Falling down as the winter takes one more cherry tree.”

My best friend Chantelle was killed at the age of 23 by a hit and run driver. As we planted some of her ashes under a tree in her dad’s front yard on what would have been her 25^th birthday, Jean-Pierre turned to me and said; “she always wanted to be 25. Even as a child, she wished she could just hurry up and get to 25.” Oh, how I wish she didn’t wish any of it away.

I’ve made so many wonderful friends along the way but there’s a reason the high school friends have a hold on me. Even the dear old friends I don’t see regularly anymore like my beautiful friend Liz. We grew, and her path went one way and mine went another, but her words pop into my mind more than she realises. Like the time we had a fight about…actually I can’t recall at all what it was about, but I do remember that she appeared on my doorstep with a copy of Anne Rice’s ‘The Vampire Lestat’ and a note that read “Stiffy, don’t be angry. Life’s too short for angry”. She may have been my shortest friend, but she was by far the wisest.

These friendships are forged during such formative years. We held hands and crossed the equator from child to adult. I faltered along the way. I continue to falter at times. But I always feel those familiar hands at my back. And that’s all I need to know.

Your teens are like 5pm on a Friday; you’re relaxed, ready to party and in no rush because there’s still so much time ahead of you. Lately, I feel perpetually stuck at 8pm Sunday; in a frantic rush to get things done, haunted by that niggling feeling that the fun is all over and not within reach for a long time.

I never understood why Adam Sandler kept pressing fast forward on his universal remote in Click. I would much rather be Piper Halliwell and pause the world whenever I need. Just to catch my breath. Image result for piper halliwell freezing power gif

I’m of the belief that living in the past can bring depression and living in the future can create anxiety. The present moment is all that we do indeed have, and the key to a peaceful existence. But just for today, I’m going to close my eyes, allow my soul to drift back to a much younger version of myself and indulge in a little selfish teen-angst. Just for today. Now where did I put my Walkman and belly-button ring?

I didn’t participate in Dry July but I’m proposing a month free of Social Media in an attempt to disconnect from everyone else’s moments and create my own. I dub thee; Angst-free August. I’m predicting a result of either having so much free time that I finish writing my novel (did you see Bradley Cooper in Limitless?) Or becoming so Zen that the Dalai Lama has me on speed-dial (he probably doesn’t have a phone, so it may be a telepathic speed-dial).

Catch you in the Spring x

June 11, 2018March 7, 2019

The rise of the keyboard warrior

“Thank you for your email. Human Decency is out of the office on extended vacation. If the matter is urgent, please contact Hostile Harry, Selfish Sally or Rude Roger”.

Tell me I’m not the only one who has noticed an increase in the impolite manner in which people are conversing these days? In person, I’d say we’re still resembling civilized creatures (though perhaps not in peak hour traffic). This demise of human decency is overwhelmingly evident via text, email and social media.

I have always claimed that my words are my weapon. Whenever I have worked with anyone less than professional, I have always prided myself on using just the right selection of words to stand up for what I believe in. Your words really are your weapon, choose them wisely. In the end, we all end up in the same hole in the ground or as the same pile of ash, no matter if you were a CEO of a multi-million-dollar company or scrubbed toilets for a living. If the only real legacy you leave behind is your character, don’t we all want to make our character one to be proud of?

Malcolm S. Forbes, former Forbes magazine publisher and son of founder, B.C. Forbes, has some very poignant quotes. One of note is; “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” I adore this quote and try my very best to live by it. This is what concerns me. I am noticing a very fast-paced society where everything is so easily accessible; You can buy a whole outfit on a Monday afternoon from an App on your phone whilst sitting at your work desk, then have it delivered, for free, to the very same desk the next morning. You can try it on in the bathroom, and if it doesn’t fit, you can have it sent straight back, free of charge (yes, I’m talking about The Iconic, someone delete my App before I spend every last cent to my name!) No wonder retail is dying. I used to adore wondering through the shops, now I only go to Westfield to buy groceries. I do all of my other shopping online. The internet has made everything so easy and convenient hasn’t it? In turn though, people’s patience seems to have shifted and we seem no longer willing to wait for anything, and some of us become quite outraged if we can’t get exactly what we want on the spot. We are living in a world full of convenience and not nearly enough kindness.

Have we created a generation of The Simpsons’ character ‘Fat Comic Book Guy‘ sitting bravely behind his keyboard, attacking anything and anyone, just because he can? Is it just a way for the insecure to be heard?

I’ll bet on your last trip to a country town, you noticed that people said “hi” to you on the street, or chatted in line at the shops, or didn’t walk with their heads down staring at their phone. Perhaps they haven’t bought into the same society as us where our phone is our lifeline. Perhaps they’re not on fast-forward like us city-folk, so they feel they have the time to stop and connect. Maybe they’re just living a better life. Maybe they’re just happier.

One of my best friends just closed her tattoo business and recently received a text from a former client looking to extend his hand tatt to his arm. My friend responded with a very lengthy text advising of her change in circumstances and offering many alternative tattooists who may be able to help, as well as some other advice on picking the right design. His response was “LOL”. To which, my very intelligent friend responded, “not sure why that’s funny but OK”. This lovely man then proceeded to tell her that it was funny because her information was completely useless to him. Her information was of course not useless, it was rather helpful and informative but because he couldn’t get exactly what he wanted when he wanted, he pulled a Veruca Salt and had himself a little tanty. Here’s my question; do you believe his response would have been the same if they were standing face to face? I do not. I believe he wouldn’t have been delighted; but would have felt somewhat embarrassed to say these words out loud, for fear of sounding like a spoiled brat.

Remember when you started dating your current partner and you would send each other naughty texts? Oh, how I love those first few weeks (must stop blushing, people around). What was great about these texts, was that you felt so much braver to say everything your hormones wanted to say via text rather than to his face (accept after a few bevvies when you ended up sounding like you should be charging by the minute).

The same principal applies in all texting. As a society, we’ve gotten Dutch courage hiding behind our phones and keyboards, and we’re voicing opinions that are very often crossing the line. Remember a time when people used to live by the old adage of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Just because you believe something, doesn’t necessarily mean that you always need to share it with the world.

I was scrolling through Instagram this week and saw a pic of Britney Spears lounging by the pool with one of her sons, who is surprisingly grown up now. I was impressed by how amazing Brit looked. So toned and so fit (note to self, must wake up early and go to the gym tomorrow). I think I left a comment saying something like “Hot damn” with a little fire emoji. I noticed the comment underneath said; “shame she doesn’t have the decency to cover up in front of her son”. She was in a bikini. She was at a pool. Seriously? Then of course people came out in her defence writing comments like “didn’t realise it was the 1800’s”. I thought of a few comments myself but if I jumped on there and trolled the woman who trolled Brit, aren’t I part of the problem? Watching people attack one another online reminds me of those zombie movies where one bite takes over the next host so within seconds, an entire village has been claimed.

What amazes me, is that this woman chooses to follow the popstar. Why not unfollow her if she is offending you? Why try to correct her? Maybe she’s happy. Maybe her son is perfectly happy. I’ve unfollowed people I happen to love, on social media, because some of their opinions or posts hurt my feelings or did not sit well with my beliefs. I did not feel the need to blast them for their views. I just didn’t need to witness it. It’s called self-preservation and I make no apologies for it. Contrary to popular belief; Social Media is not life. It is a very small part of life. Some of the most important people in my life are not part of my Social Media world. Facebook will not be my measurement of happiness. Eckhart Tolle (yes, I will continue to quote he and Louise Hay at every opportunity I get) believes that people’s need to be right or their need to get others to hear their opinion is the ego. The ego needs to be right or to be heard to survive.

A few months ago, I, like most of the country, was caught up in the hype that was Married At First Sight. My friend Gill and I would talk about it constantly at work, so she invited me to a Facebook MAFS Group to get caught up in all the latest goss. For the most part, it was pretty entertaining. I made one post on the page that went a little something like “Every meal these guys eat is on white bread, they must be constipated AF”. A few minutes passed, it got a few laughing face emoji’s then I went back to work. I opened the page up again on my train ride home and nothing on this planet could have prepared me for the onslaught of comments that attacked my trivial post. And attacked me as a person.

“Oh here we go, listen to the f###ing gym junkie”. Sorry I have biceps.
“Oh shut up you idiot, white bread is full of fibre”. Um, not really, but OK.
“You must have way too much spare time to notice that”. Yes, I had a spare seven seconds.
“It’s people like you who are ruining the world”. Yes, I should be locked up with rapists and child molesters.
“I’ve been eating white bread for 70 years. I am perfectly healthy. You’re probably the one who’s constipated because you have a stick stuck up you’re a##e.” That last comment was from someone’s grandmother.

OK so in hindsight, it’s a humorous situation but I’m telling you now, I was rattled. The comments continued to come, one after the other. I left the group immediately. The whole night, I felt a state of anxiety. I felt not so good about myself. I don’t believe I am the kind of person who needs compliments or external validation to know my worth (not now anyway) but I have always been the kind of person who feared words far more than sticks and stones. Bruises heal. Psychological scrapes and bruises tend to linger for me. I would understand if I wrote something mean about one of their favourite people on the show, but I talked only about food. It has no pulse! I know carbs are delicious but how can anyone be that protective over a baked good?

You see it every day. And it’s just gone too far here people. Just because you’re hiding behind a screen, it doesn’t take any impact away from the words you are projecting to another human being. Some will point the finger at moderators of groups or organisations or schools to do more when people are getting bullied, but I believe we all need to be more conscious of the way we are treating others. Let’s teach our children the importance of being a good person more than the importance of winning a race or a dance eisteddfod. If someone is being bullied, comfort them and be there for them. If someone is bullying, ask them if they are OK. Chances are, they’re not OK. Those who cause pain for others are usually in a great deal of pain themselves. We need to eliminate the ‘us’ v ‘them’ mentality in life. We’re all people. We all have battles to fight. We must cultivate kindness in our everyday lives. You can say that it’s what separates us from the animals but I gotta say, I see a lot more compassion coming from animals when I watch Youtube videos of elephants banding together to pull a fallen comrade out of a ditch or birds passing food to dogs who can’t reach the treat bowl.

In a week where yet two more creative celebrities have taken their own lives (Rest in Peace Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, you were wonderfully unique spirits who made your mark on this earth) we have to be aware that the human race is in a state of pain and agony. We’re hurting. Cruelty and bullying is a pandemic and the reason it has gained such momentum is because the internet has given it a global platform to spread like disease.

I am a staunch believer in kindness. I believe that if you think something nice about someone, anything at all, tell them. When I see a stranger on the street in an outfit I like I always say;“hot dress!” when I see a man with a gorgeous English Bulldog I always say “what a lovely dog you have” (I also say good morning to birds and trees but let’s start small). Mother Teresa believed you could change the world by smiling at strangers. One smile at a time. Boy was she spot on. You don’t have to create a fundraiser or make huge financial contributions, but you can add your small piece to the world. That small piece is more valuable than you’ll ever know. Your smile can create a domino effect. Kindness spreads like wildfire just as much as hatred does.

Please go out into the world this week with the objective to share kindness to others. To both your loved ones and to strangers. Even if the recipient hasn’t been particularly kind to you, in fact, extra points if you bring joy to a troubled soul. Resist the urge to share your opinion if it’s intent is to stick it to someone. Imagine each day as a score sheet to get into the pearly gates. One point for each act of kindness, minus one point for each time you inflict pain. What will your ‘for and against’ points look like on Judgement Day? I hope for your sake they’ll be in surplus.

April 29, 2018May 2, 2019

It is what it is

At one of my previous roles, I worked with a feisty & stylish Marketing Brand Manager by the name of Dan. He is one of my very favourite people. A huge personality and one of those lucky Geminis who has endless luck. He always has money, always has a black bag from The Iconic arrive at his desk at least once a week, always has a new fancy car and would arrive at airports for a work trip and get magically upgraded to first class. Very little worries him (or he leaves all the worrying to his assistant). His most commonly used phrase around the office is “it is what it is”. A line that used to infuriate me when he said it, and when a much older (and slightly condescending) ex-boyfriend used to use it on me. Though in the last year or two, I have had a shift in my outlook on life and I too find myself using this phrase quite frequently.

It’s so simple yet so truthful.

Everything actually is what it is, whether I cry about it or not.

I think my change in outlook came about, upon reading Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’. I tried to read it once many years ago and just kept re-reading the same lines, unable to make sense of any of the words in front of me. Now, I read it once a year as a top-up and every page is like a light bulb moment. I do believe that you have to be ready for certain life lessons. I wasn’t when I first bought the book.

Tolle states that there are no good events or bad events, there are simply; events. It is only when you attach emotion to them, do they have a positive or negative connotation. I know you’re yelling at the screen now saying; “what about car accidents, what about Cancer”? I get it. To us, these events are life-changing. The premise however, still stands. To the Universe, events are like ocean waves, and we’re the surfers. We can either ride the wave gracefully into shore or stand flat-footed, refusing to move with the current and struggle upside down, underwater until we’re snorting out salt water and putting our exposed bits back into our swimmers.

Three years ago, I was apartment hunting for my boyfriend and I. It was a very exciting time; to have found the person you want to share your life with and both agreeing on the beachside suburb you will set-up camp in. I was constantly picking out furniture at IKEA, and shopping for beautiful abstract paintings online. I had nearly everything picked out; except the actual apartment. Times had changed since I last property-hunted. It had become a lot more competitive. I would show up to an inspection and there were at least twenty other couples vying for the same place. I always made a point to shake hands with the agent and make sure they remembered my name and the fact that I was willing to take out someone’s knee Tonya Harding style until I got that property.

There were two apartments early on that I had my heart set on. The first had a nice little courtyard. On my vision board, I had specified that I wanted an apartment with either a balcony or courtyard because the Italian that I am, I love to host parties, dinners and BBQ’s for my family and friends. There were thirty other applicants applying for this property! The agent told me that our application made it into the final two, but the Landlord ultimately picked a single, much older lady. I recall specifically going home, throwing myself on my bed and kicking and screaming like a child having a tantrum in the middle of the cereal aisle when mum picked All Bran over Coco Pops. I was 31.

Just a week later, we found an amazing unit with a huge living area, a lovely balcony, internal laundry, garage and very close to the cafes and shops. There were just as many applicants as the last two we had applied for, but we were blessed to make this our new home with very little effort. The Landlords are an amazing couple who sent me a personal email to thank me for decorating the apartment so nicely, they laid down new floors and they send us hampers at Christmas. They have just offered us a fourth year at the same rent. No price increase! Not to mention the awesome, rather quiet and predominantly, female neighbours. Every time something in my life doesn’t go according to my plan, I think back on this time and have a little chuckle. No, we didn’t get the property we had set our sights on. We got an even better one. Much, much better.

Perhaps when something fails. It’s not failure at all. Just a mere detour on the way to an even more suitable destination.

In his hugely successful book, ‘The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success’, Deepak Chopra talks about the Law of Least Effort. How struggling against what is, can take you further from where you are meant to be.

“When you struggle against this moment, you’re actually struggling against the entire universe. Instead you can make the decision that today you will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment.You accept things as they are, not as you wish they were in this moment…

…When you become defensive, blame others, and do not accept and surrender to the moment, your life meets resistance. You don’t want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm. Instead, you want to be flexible, like a reed that bends with the storm and survives”.

I just adore that analogy of the oak versus the reed. I’m very visual and I like to picture something to aspire to. Only now I’ve evolved the reed into the blow-up, colourful guys you see in front of car yards. Not only do they bend with the storm, they look like they’re having a little bit of a party.

Image result for gif inflatable man

Don’t mistake the word ‘surrender’ for submission. Surrender means only acceptance of what is. You can still have plans and goals, but it simply means that some factors which are entirely out of your control will arise to change some of your plans on your way to your goal. Don’t waste effort wishing it was another way. Assess the situation as it is without attaching emotion to it, then reconfigure your plan to suit the status quo.

It makes me wonder if my friend Dan has Gemini luck, or if he is just so able to adapt to change that the universe constantly conspires in his favour.

My wish for you, is that you ride the wave of life as majestically as Mick Fanning on his surfboard. And if a shark jumps up at you, punch that sucker straight in the kisser!

Note: If you’re looking for some extra inspiration in living a more flexible, carefree life, I recommend:

‘How to stop worrying and start living’ by Dale Carnegie
‘The power of now’ by Eckhart Tolle
‘The seven spiritual laws of success’ by Deepak Chopra

April 15, 2018

So many frogs, so few Princes

Who looks back at old pictures of themselves and cringes?

If the secret to being happy is living in the present moment and not in the past or future, then Facebook really needs to stop showing me what happened on this day five years ago. But I guess Zuckerberg has bigger fish to fry right now.

It’s rarely at the way I used to look (well maybe my eyebrows), but I cringed this week when I saw an old photo of myself from a time when I was in a very unhappy place. It was taken at the lovely waterfront spot of Doyles Restaurant at Watson’s Bay by an ex-boyfriend. You might look at the photo and think I look peaceful, but I know myself, and I see deep sadness in my eyes.

Sometimes I think I miss my twenties: The energy to party all night and back it up at work the next day, the beautifully plump skin on my face, and spending money on oversees holidays without worrying about adult responsibilities. But I was lost. It was a good decade of being on a quest. A quest to figure out who the hell I was and what I deserved.

I’ve had two very toxic relationships. I know which one my family and friends probably think was my unhealthiest relationship (the one I liken to a case of Stockholm Syndrome). But for me it was the last relationship. Due mainly to the fact that I was nearly thirty when it began, and I thought I had taken all the steps to get myself into a healthy place, only to be sweet talked into the most soul destroying two years of my life. With a man who was too busy with his own ego to realise that there were two of us in the relationship. I won’t go into detail in this article (let’s save all the juicy details for a blog about narcissists).

This week, I want to focus on the overwhelming feeling of living with a man who makes you hear concertos in your head every time you think of him. A man who doesn’t talk himself up. A man who under promises and over delivers. A man who has my back, every second of every day.

Throw your vomit bags away, I’m not going to start gushing about the romance and how gorgeous he is (hot AF). I want to tell all the girls out there who remind me of my former self, that love isn’t actually that complicated at all. Sure, in the beginning there is a major teething process. You have to learn a lot about your partner, and they about you. There is a lot of compromise and understanding of each other’s values to ensure that you’re not compromising yours or his unwittingly.

Love is not possession. Love is not Facebook profiles pictures. And the lesson that took me far too long to learn is that love does not make you live in fear or a constant state of anxiety.

Being with my partner is the easiest thing in the world. It is effortless. I don’t for a second wish that it happened sooner either. For without the downfalls, I wouldn’t have had such a deep appreciation for the state I am in now. Failure is the condiment that gives success it’s failure.

A lovely old friend named Carly once told me that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Boy was she right. Just be careful ladies, the frogs aren’t always green and will usually tell you that they are indeed your Prince Charming whilst having a drinking problem, a gambling problem and a secret online dating profile.

Makes you wonder doesn’t it? Maybe I was never really lost, maybe I was too busy being a compass for lost boys.

In a week where another Kardashian has been cheated on (no I do not follow any K girl on social media, but according to the internet, this was front page news) you have to ask yourself; what’s your currency?

Some girls seem determined to pick a mate based on status and income. I had a friend who used to select guys based on what car they were driving. When I met my man, he had a motorbike and an Opal Card…and I’ve never smiled this much in my whole life.

My currency always has been and always will be; love and happiness (Mazel Tov if you found a rich guy with a good heart). And upon assessing all of the relationships in my life today; I feel as rich as Gina Rinehart.

There’s a great little quote that says: Be with a guy who ruins your lipstick not your mascara. I switched over to waterproof mascara in my previous relationship because every night-out ended in tears and usually me catching a cab home to my parents’ house instead of going home with him. I still use waterproof mascara today because it makes my eyes pop! But the only tears that ruin my make up are due to laughing so hard that I ended up rolling around on the floor like a Looney Tunes character.

It’s ironic how being loved by the right people can make you feel so free.

I never gave up on finding the right man after a few false starts. After the last break-up, I took a good ten months to be by myself. Re-visit all the things I love like reading, writing, singing, dance classes and spending time with my girls. I knew that once I valued myself enough, the right mate would come along.

Of-course every relationship I have been in started with love and I do hope that they are very happy now and most importantly, treating their current partners with the love and respect they deserve (hey I put a lot of work in, someone should benefit).

For anyone out there struggling in an unhealthy relationship, I leave you with a line that I used to repeat on the daily, to remind myself that the distressed state I was in, wasn’t my final destination:

I’m a sundial in the shade; I’m not broken, I’m just in the wrong place.

April 1, 2018April 1, 2018

La Dolce Vita

I’m the daughter of an Australian woman and a Sicilian man.

I like to think I’m a healthy balance of both ethnicities: My passion and temper are all Sicilian (much to my Papà’s pride). And my love of Kath & Kim, Vegemite on toast, and walking barefoot up the street make me a product of this beautiful sunburnt country. Not to mention the fact that I can recite the entire opening song to Round the Twist.

When I’ve visited Italy, Sicily in particular, there is a part of me that feels like I’m home. My soul feels connected to the land and culture, like someone who meets a long-lost sibling later in life but feels that instant connection. I love spending time there but imagine I could never live in Italy. Everyone moves soooooo slowly! Walking along the beach with the family after a big bowl of pasta is like the march of a 100yr old tortoise. When my cousins came to visit Australia, I took them to Taronga Zoo and kept them to a rather tight schedule to ensure that we saw as many animals as possible. They nick-named me The Sargent! In my defence, they spent 20 minutes watching a bear sleep. Um hello? The Bird Show was starting at 1!

There is one part of the Italian lifestyle that I really wish I could live by and that’s their relationship with food.

I feel like Italians treat food like the truest love of their life, while so many of us treat food like the cheap mistress we just slept with and are pushing out the side door before our wives come home and catch us.

I spent the majority of my life as a dancer and a singer so the word ‘diet’ was ingrained into me from a very young age. I remember being on diets and having nightmares that I would demolish an entire tray of cakes and wake up sweating, before feeling so relieved that it was just a dream I didn’t break my diet.

I lead a very health conscious life. I eat a large amount of vegetables and organic food, I limit my intake of sugar and processed foods, I don’t smoke, I only drink at special occasions and I exercise daily. But I’m the first to admit that I have an addictive personality and if someone in the office announces cake in the kitchen, I no longer a hear a word people say for the rest of the day, all I hear in my head is CAKE, CAKE, CAKE! Until I either give in and shove three pieces into my mouth then spend the rest of the afternoon berating myself or I distract myself by eating a hard-boiled egg.

(actual footage of my lack of restraint)

The older I get though, the more I count emotional and mental health as just as important as physical health, if not more so. It’s kind of a package deal, as one affects the other. I’ve become more flexible with what I eat in an effort to increase my enjoyment. When I go out with friends, I indulge a little more and try not to think how it will affect my appearance.

I remember reading an article once, where nursing home staff were interviewed about what people said on their death beds. The top ten included such sentiments as “I wish I spent more time with my family”, “I wish I stopped and smelled the roses more”. No one ever said “I wish I worked harder”, “I wish I didn’t eat that extra piece of birthday cake”.

How many of you eat breakfast standing up at the kitchen counter, or shove lunch into your mouth at your desk in between calls?

Italians do not.

They sit down and make a ritual out of a meal. Everything is laid out on the table like a feast, with the freshest, aromatic produce such as sliced tomatoes and bocconcini, covered in olive oil and basil, with crusty bread to soak up the juices. You would usually not eat alone either. You would have your family sitting around (enough people to fill a small village) and you would sit together and eat slowly, talking to one another, without the distraction of phones or television.

Image result for the sopranos eating ( The Sopranos had a few good meals together before killing each other off)

Remember the scene in Goodfellas when a few of the men were in prison and they had their wives smuggle in salami? They cut garlic finely with a razor blade and made a rich, tomato, pasta sauce and they all sat together and had a feast…in their prison cell. Ain’t nothin’ gonna keep an Italian away from a good meal.

I remember in my childhood, my mum laughing at my Papà because we’d be eating lunch and he’d already be planning dinner. I used to come home on a Sunday afternoon and the smell of garlic simmering in olive oil would be wafting down the street. My Papà would be in the kitchen sipping on red wine and singing Italian Opera music as he cooked. It was, and still is, his true enjoyment.

Another fabulous comparison of Italians v Westerners is from the character Luca Spaghetti in the movie adaption of Elizabeth Gilbert’s biographical novel: Eat, Pray, Love. Luca tells Liz (played by the beautiful Julia Roberts) as she whines about her guilt of eating carbs;

“You feel guilty because you’re American. You don’t know how to enjoy yourself! It’s true. Americans know entertainment, but don’t know pleasure. You work too hard. You get burned out. Then you come home and spend the whole weekend… in your pajamas in front of the TV. But you don’t know pleasure. You have to be told you’ve earned it. You see a commercial that says, ‘It’s Miller time’… and you say, ‘That’s right. Now I will go to buy a six-pack’. And drink the whole thing and wake up the next morning and you feel terrible. But an Italian doesn’t need to be told. He walks by a sign that says, ‘You deserve a break today’… and he says, ‘Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m planning on taking a break at noon… to go over to your house and sleep with your wife’.”

Perhaps this is why there is not a binge drinking culture in Italy. They don’t binge on anything. They enjoy everything, slowly.

It’s my aim to have a better relationship with food. After all, we are lucky to have healthy, nutritious meals at our fingertips daily when so many of our global brothers and sisters are quite literally starving.

I’ve started saying a prayer of gratitude before each meal. Though it doesn’t have to be to God if you’re not a person of faith. Louise Hay (author and Wonder Woman) used to bless each and every meal she ate. She would thank her food for giving up its life to nourish her.

My wish for you this long, Easter weekend is that you savour every morsel of food that you ingest. That you spend time with your loved ones and really listen to everything they have to say.

May you treat your food with the same regard that you’d treat Ryan Gosling lying on Japanese silk.

Buon appetito!

Image result for ryan gosling in bed