feminism - The Barefoot Blogger

Like most Millennial women, the OG Practical Magic film has been a spiritual experience for most of my life. We were spoilt for choice in the late 90’s with Witches and Vampire Slayers. My girls and I were always fighting over which Halliwell sister we got to be. I always wanted to be a Prue but knew deep down that I was a Phoebe (much like I always pretended to be a Rachel but am very much a Neurotic Monica).

I vividly remember being a 15yr old girl in 1998, going to the cinemas with train friends to watch Practical Magic for the very first time. It was the week I got my first mobile phone; a Motorola brick (before moving onto a hot pink Ericson T10 and Nokia 5110). For so many years my mother reminded me how frantic she was because I accidentally butt dialled her during the movies. Apparently the sounds of Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock casting spells sounded the same as men stuffing me into their car boot.

This movie (and soundtrack for that matter) have been on a constant loop in my home for so many years! Imagine my delight when 28 years later, they announced they were making a sequel with most of the cast! Although apparently Nicole Kidman has been in the freezer since then because that woman has not aged a day. The best post-divorce glow-up we’ve seen since Princess Di. That man must have been draining the life outta her. Nothing a few Midnight Margaritas can’t fix. Am I right ladies?

If you’ve been here for a while, you’ll know that I have a very active toddler at home, a husband who works insane hours, including most evenings and friends in similar positions. Getting out of the house to do something fun as a woman on her own or with her girls, unfortunately does not happen as often as I’d like. And any downtime I do have, I’m creating, writing, podcasting. It is what I love, but man, I gotta work on the balance a little more. I’ve lost a little of my spark.

Last night, I walked up to the movies by myself, on an eerie, insanely windy but beautiful night. I was looking up at the sky, talking to God and The Universe about all that I’m grateful for and all that I wish to manifest into my life. As I felt a surge of beauty and calm sweep across my face, something darted out in front of me. It was a black cat. I shit you not, a black cat…on my way to watch Practical Magic 2!!! It followed me the entire way, looping around my legs then walking by my side. I love cats like you wouldn’t believe! My husband does not. He’s threatened divorce if I ever get one, but I’m one for asking for forgiveness rather than permission so he’s just gonna come home one day and find one in his living room, because our son loves them too! Funnily enough, I threatened this very thing a few months ago, mostly as a joke. And on my birthday, I was talking with my neighbour downstairs when this beautiful black cat emerged in our driveway. We’d never seen her before. Ever. She followed me up to my door and walked into my home like it was the most familiar habit in the world. You should have seen the look on my husband’s face! She stayed for a while, walked through each room purring. I fed her some tuna and texted the number on her collar. Her owner said she’s an outdoor kitty with a tracking device who will find her own way home when she’s ready. It was the most beautiful encounter and the fact that it happened on my actual birthday made me feel like it was a special gift from the Universe. I kept searching for her every day and our paths hadn’t crossed again until last night. That’s right, it was the very same cat. To occur on a week when so many magical encounters and coincidences were happening to me, made me feel so loved and watched over.

The movie itself, was so magical! Pun intended. I read a review of a critic complaining that it lacked the charm of the original film, to which someone replied “shut up, we’re lucky to be having this at all!”. Here, here, girl! Mate, nothing will ever have the charm of the 90’s ever again. We’re just gonna have to live with that. It was a time when our eyes were blinded to horrifying truths of the world. Once we’ve seen what we seen, it’s impossible to return to a time so innocent and whimsical. And to be clear, if anyone released one of our favourite 90’s movies now, it would get slammed online! We’re not who we were as a people or a society, so stop trying to go back. Let’s make the most of what we have now. Plus, the original Practical Magic never got good reviews at the cinema. We just made it a cult classic because we loved it so much! It awoke something primal in all of us.

It will always be this scene for me – GIF

I only have one very small criticism of the film and that is that there was nowhere near enough Stevie Nicks. The first soundtrack was a masterpiece. This one only contained ‘Landslide’ which is technically a Fleetwood Mac song, not a Stevie solo. The new American Horror Story will surely make up for this…all good witches love Stevie.

The new film was a beautiful full circle moment. And getting to witness Stockard Channing and Dianne Wiest on our screens again was just too good to be true (please don’t even think about taking them 2026…we’ve suffered enough). The whole cast was so wonderful – and as Sandra Bullock has been in my top 3 all time girl crushes, I was in my element. Having not acted much since the passing of her partner, I must say, I did feel a layer of grief in her acting. Which I guess added a lot to the role. But the real star of this movie is not an A-list celebrity; it’s the sisterhood.

I watched the film at a packed-out cinema at one of those Girls Night Out sessions at Hoyts. In fact, there was one man there with his wife. Ladies, please leave your man at home. The staff can’t enforce it because that would be discrimination, but it’s there in the title! Let us enjoy one night of just us girls…I’m begging you. I had hoped to see the film with one of my besties, but in true early motherhood fashion, we just couldn’t tee it up, so I booked the very last seat available, smuggled in some dark chocolate and parked myself down next to a row of friends having a great night out with their free champas. The movie was so insanely loud, that at one point I leaned into the lady next to me, and said “Is this extra loud or am I experiencing another Perimenopause symptom?” She warmly held my hand, threw her head back in laughter and said “Yes and probably”.

I have always felt at home next to strangers (with vaginas).

Women of 4 different age groups filled the theatre and applauded when it ended. On my way out, I heard young girls say “Oh my God I loved that so much! I’m gonna message all of my sisters”.

I love men. I do. I always have. I often refer to myself as Elaine from Seinfeld. Have always had male friends, have always loved the footy, drinking scotch and smoking cigars. I have always found men uncomplicated and easy to get along with. But I have always had a great rack and bountiful booty, so it’s hard to say if it was my personality they were vibing with. We’ll never know, I guess. Oh well.

But as I’ve gotten older and wiser, it’s the female bonds I crave. The female bonds that make me feel truly seen and supported throughout my triumphs and tough times.

Probably where my love of the sisterhood began – GIF

I’ve always lived in a building of predominantly single women whom I’ve created the loveliest friendships with. But lately there are so many men on my side of the building and as nice as they are…I hate it! The energy has changed a little.

When I had a screaming newborn with colic and reflux I was down in the yard walking him up and down to soothe him, it was my neighbour who calmy walked downstairs, took him in her arms and soothed him whilst telling me to go have a breather. It was the same neighbour who came and sat with my son when my husband was travelling, to allow me time to go workout in the gym. Two nights ago, it was another neighbour who walked over to me with outstretched arms and gave me a warm hug and told me I looked beautiful, even though I was in my Kmart jumper that has since been downgraded to pyjamas. Maybe she hugged me because I had recently told her that last month I had a miscarriage after 11 months of trying for baby number 2. Or maybe she just hugged me because she’s full of love and needed to share it. Each Christmas and birthday, gifts for Leo are left at my front door. And in the warmer months. We have picnics in the yard or go for a walk down by the water after dinner.

I will always love men and will always have a place for them in my heart and my life, but no one can love or nurture like a woman can.

We can create, grow and carry life in our bodies.

We are simply magical, and everyone knows it. If they can’t admit it, it’s because they fear it.

Women were not burned at the stake for being witches. They were burned for being women. It terrifies the very weak.

Um side note; I just read that after years of merely being discarded, scientists are now discovering that menstrual blood contains stem cells and insane healing properties, including being able to repair the heart after a heart attack!

We carry emotional burdens that sometimes feel too heavy for one person to carry, not to mention period pain, PMDD, endometriosis, childbirth, miscarriages…and the list goes on. But I wouldn’t change it. I’m so grateful to be a woman.

It’s not just the empathy and capacity to love; we also have the ability to make spaces and mundane rituals so beautiful. Always adding so much whimsy and beauty to the world. Both are extremely vital for a happy life.

I’m so very grateful for the sisterhood. I don’t know where I’d be without it.

And for those very few women whom I struggle to connect with because they have no sense of sisterhood and view other women as the enemy; Please join us soon. You’re missing out on so much.

New moon out there tonight, don’t forget to write down your deepest desires….and keep an eye out for feline friends.

Until next time, my coven x

It was recently suggested to me that men have a higher suicide rate than women because of feminism. Please excuse me whilst I wash this vomit out of my mouth for a moment. If anyone believes this, I implore you to pick up a book or go out of your little box and into the world. These folk need to stop getting their education through over-dramatised social media posts or Trump-esque videos aimed at pitting one group of people against another. This ‘us v them’ culture is truly the demise of us all. Living with a football player, I can tell you that the reason suicide is much higher in men, particularly in the football community, is because they were raised in macho surroundings where you were labelled a ‘wimp’ or a ‘pussy’ if you cried or showed emotion. Many psychologists believe that those who internalise are at a higher risk of suicide. I fail to see how me expecting to be given the same rights as my male counterpart encourages suicidal tendencies. If that’s the case, you really are a pussy.

What makes me laugh is when a woman feels the need to preface a smart statement with the line: “I’m not a feminist, but…” It reminds me of when Pauline Hanson says; “I’m not racist, but Asians are taking over”. Ladies, if you’re going to say something in support of your fellow sisters, please don’t feel the need to apologise before it escapes your mouth. That’s only perpetuating the myth of feminism being hateful. This is the exact problem. That feminism is a dirty word. This movement has never been about hating men, it’s only ever been about equality. Imagine a world where we weren’t pre-judged on our gender, our race or our religion. Because that’s what prejudice is; pre-judging. You can judge me as much as you would like, but please judge me only on my actions. Because that is all I can control. Everything else was a birthright.

When I was in high school, I was in a group of friends that consisted of two other girls and about 10 males. My favourite thing to do on a Friday night is have steak and wine at the pub whilst watching the footy. When I am invited to family functions; all of the women sit inside eating cake and talking about celebrities, yet I sit out the back with the men; drinking scotch, smoking cigars and talking about sport. Yet, I am a feminist. I repeat; feminism is not about hating or lowering men, it’s about making everyone recognise we deserve the same rights, whether I can change a tyre or not (I so cannot…NRMA anyone?). Can I also clarify another misconception? You don’t actually have to be a woman to be a feminist. My hot, straight, football playing boyfriend believes whole-heartedly that he and I are equal and that he is not entitled to any more than I due to a difference in gender. He too, is a feminist. Believing in gender equality is what makes you a feminist (and also not an idiot).

Image result for feminism gif

Having been born in the 80’s, I was brought up on movies that led us to believe that our happy ending was standing at the end of the altar in a white dress. What’s interesting, is that very rarely did they explain what we did with our lives after that (presumably barefoot and pregnant). Men saved the world, and women married those men. Gradually, with each generation, you see a shift in entertainment. Disney used to portray Cinderella getting rescued from horrible (and catty towards other women) step-sisters by a handsome prince. Poor old Belle had a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome when she fell in love with her captor. But today, Moana is sailing the seven seas to rescue her whole village! She’s warm and wild and brave, and the world fell in love with her (I love her crazy grandmother who dances with Sting-rays; that’s my kinda woman). The big shift arose when I was a teenager, The Spice Girls introduced us to Girl Power and my TV screen was dominated by Buffy, the Charmed ones and Dark Angel. Their ass-kicking moves and sassy retorts will live on in my soul forever.

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Can someone please explain to me why so many believe it acceptable, humorous even, when a man is drunk at a party but inappropriate if a woman is? I wanna have some fun too (right Ms Lauper?) Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t alcohol work its way down to the liver rather than the penis? Hmm, perhaps I need to look at a diagram of anatomy again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning drinking to excess, I just fail to see why it’s socially acceptable for one and not the other. I was not born to be the designated driver with an expensive handbag. I have a voice, and I intend to use it. Plus…I am a fantastic dancer after a few champagnes. I was recently shamed by a wife of my partner’s friend for having been drunk at a party two and a half years ago. I walked up to her at a wedding and introduced myself, to which she replied; “oh we’ve already met at that birthday party years ago, but you were too drunk to remember”. I found that very interesting, considering that her husband was drunk at that birthday party, her husband was drunk at this wedding and her husband has been drunk at every occasion in between, as were all the men in that group. I’ve even had my sink clogged by their vomit. But I suppose that’s funny (YTB!) I’ll tell you this much about our lovely friend, I wouldn’t have remembered her even if I was sober. I tend to only remember people with personality.

It’s disappointing to realise that it’s not only men who are fighting our belief in gender equality. We can only succeed if we work together and stop tearing each other down.

No one can be ‘better’ than another based on something they were born with, such as a postcode, a colour of skin or a chromosome. Your actions are the only thing that determine your importance. Graham Long is better than most, because for decades, he provided a safe haven for the lonely and hopeless in Kings Cross. He used his voice to help others find their own. Turia Pitt is better than most because she is breaking down the walls of perceived beauty and continues to rise, despite her setbacks. She is using her strength, to help others find their own.

Allow me to share with you an actual exert from the Woman Anti-Suffrage Association of New York, urging men to vote no on the woman suffrage amendment;

Vote NO because there is no adequate reason why the women of this State should assume this duty in addition to those they already carry.
Vote NO because women are not suffering from any injustice which giving them the ballot would rectify.
Vote NO because man’s service to the State through government is counter-balanced by woman’s service in the home. One service is just as essential to the welfare of the State as the other, but they can never be identical.

Housework was actually referred to as a woman’s service to the State.

Remember the old saying; “who died and made you boss?”. Who died and put men in charge? Why did we ever have to ask for permission to have a voice? It makes as much sense as black people sitting on one end of the bus, and white people sitting on the other.

Inequality is in play when TV executives deem it OK to have a male news anchor who is old and unattractive, but his female co-anchor must be under 55, slim and attractive (I know you all remember Brian Henderson). Inequality is in play when Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence were paid less than their male co-stars for the same film, even though they’re both Oscar winners. And inequality is in play when tampons are taxed as a luxury item but condoms are not.

Once a month, I love to spoil myself with some luxurious indulgence.

Feminism is a beautiful word. It might not be as beautiful as my two other favourite F-words; Free Food. But I am damn proud to use it.

A woman with a voice is a beautiful creature, not as the lovely Greens member Greg Barber put it; “fat, hairy lesbians”, “power pussies” and “hairy-legged feminists”. Sit down Greg; you ain’t no oil painting.

Any movement that encourages equality and fairness is a good and necessary movement. It is met with resistance only by the weak who fear losing their strength if others are stronger. True power comes from within, and cannot be taken away by another.

FEAR; now that is truly one of the filthiest words.

Tag: feminism

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